How Life Changes When You’re Old

By Fr Billy Barnes – I  am 91 years of age and have been retired from active ministry for the past 16 years. During that time, I have learnt a few things that have made this period of my life joyful and satisfying. First of all, let me describe a few things that are going to happen to you as you grow older.

Do not be surprised when you find your number of friends diminishing. Some will have died, some will have moved away, and some will have simply forgotten you because you are no longer as much a part of their lives as you used to be. You, too, will start forgetting them because your circumstances have changed.

If you are still able to drive, meeting up with old friends will bring a lot of joy to them and to you as you reminisce about good times long past. If you are not able to drive, the phone can be a means of keeping in contact with them. Don’t be too worried when others stop phoning you and seem to forget you; just keep the contact and accept that people forget without bad intention.

There is not much that one can do about the body deteriorating. Daily exercise, with lots of stretching, can slow down the physical decline. One has to be disciplined when tempted to just give up and spend most of the time on the bed or in an armchair.

The benefit of having a pet

Owning a small dog has helped me. Having to exercise the dog means that you have to exercise yourself. The love of a dog can lift your spirits when you are down. Also, the presence of life that an animal brings to your home is very consoling. The animal makes you feel that you are not alone.

One has to be very careful not to let personal standards deteriorate. You may be tempted to shower less often or to be untidy. Don’t let that happen!

As time goes by, there is an increasing danger of falling, slipping or tripping. You have to make your dwelling as safe as possible, for example, by installing handles next to the toilet and in the shower to hold on to. We older people must avoid that dreaded fall for as long as possible.

Besides personal care, we must also maintain mental standards. This means being positive in our attitude towards old age, our friendships, and the state of the world, which always seems worse than it was in “the good old days”.

So many people fear the possibility of developing Alzheimer’s or dementia, and our mental agility does diminish as we age. Keeping one’s mind busy helps reduce these dreaded possibilities. Listening to and participating in quizzes, doing crossword puzzles, reading, writing, visiting friends, and meditating may all help. Being positive in mind is very important, and anything that promotes this should be embraced.

Making things right

In our old age, we are daily confronted with the thought that one day we will be called from this life and that we should be ready for the end. The extra days that we are given now are a gift from God and a time to reflect on our lives.

This time should not be wasted; healthy introspection is good for the soul. We have all made mistakes in our lives which we regret in our old age. While we are enjoying God’s gift of extra time, we can ask forgiveness from those who have suffered due to our mistakes. That takes a little humility, but one feels relieved and at peace once the difficult task of saying “sorry” and asking for forgiveness has been accomplished.

The extra days of life also present opportunities to humbly speak to God, whom we might have neglected at some time or another. We will soon be in the presence of God, face to face with him — he should not be a stranger to us when the moment arrives that we finally meet him.

One last thought. Jesus said: “As long as you did it to one of these my least brethren, you did it to me.” In our old age, we will meet fellow travellers who may be struggling and trying to cope with depression. When we meet them, we have an opportunity to lift them up and, as somebody said, “walk them home”. What a precious moment that might be — the saving of our own souls too!

Fr Billy Barnes is a retired priest of the diocese of Port Elizabeth residing in East London.

Published in the July 2025 issue of The Southern Cross