I Searched for God and He found me

by Admin · March 19, 2026

By Lesley Rensburg – I searched for God every day, thinking he’s not around. I looked in all the obvious places but still never found him. I searched for God above my dusty bible and under my perfectly-hung rosary, and stopped to think: “God, where could you be?”

I searched for God in the pews of my church but did not hear a word he said. I asked myself. “If not here, then where?”

I searched for God at the font which greeted me at the entrance of my house and still I felt unclean.

Then, one cold night this June, as I lay in my bed, I heard a voice. It was God. I said: “God I’ve looked everywhere and I could not find you. Where were you?” I told him: “I was in a dark place where no light could find me. I was cold and could not feel the warmth of your love. I was scared and felt so alone. I was dirty and felt so unclean.” And again, I asked: “God, where are you?”

God’s answer

God responded to me: “My child, I was right beside you all along. The dusty bible next to your bed, I am in there at all times when you need answers to things which trouble your heart.

“That perfectly-hung rosary you keep at your bedside, I am there reminding you to pray and talk to me. I am always listening to all my children.

“When you sat in the church pew, I was talking to you through your priests and deacons — but you were so wrapped up in the worries of this world that you did not hear me speaking.

“I even invited you to supper in my house through the holy Eucharist, offering you my body and blood, but you chose not to come up for my body and blood. If only you had realised that you would have felt nourished and clean again of sin.

“The font at the entrance of your house… you see it there, but you choose to run out each day without blessing yourself against not only the dangers of the day but all evil.

“I am there when you sit down for dinner with your child, and instead of engaging with her about her day, you choose to check your emails or socials at the dinner table.

“I am there when you’re too busy to find time, to make time for your parents or lose patience when they cannot do something or repeat themselves. I look at you and say: My child, one of the greatest commandments is to honour your mother and father.

“I am there even when you choose not to help your fellow man, be it a beggar asking for help, an aged person asking only for your time, or a friend just looking for a listening ear — every day I strategically place people on your path to create more success for you.

“I am there when you fight with your siblings over something so trivial, wishing for you to realise these are the people who I have put into your life to get you through the hard days.”

‘I never left you’

God then said: “My child, I have never left you, but the evil of this world has just deafened you to hearing my voice and blinded you to seeing my works of love for you.”

God could see that I was not only saddened but also embarrassed at all the ways I had turned from him. He looked at me and said: “My daughter, do not be ashamed, I am a Father who loves his children — the slate is wiped clean.” I asked: “But what if I lose my way again, God?” He smiled at me and said: “Then I will come find you, like any Good Shepherd would do. Remember, I would leave the 99 to come find my lost one.”

Since then, I listen with my heart, look at everyone through my spirit, and always let God’s word lead me.

I left saying, “God, same time tomorrow?” He responded: “My child, you can talk to me anytime and anywhere — always remember that your Father in heaven loves you!”

Lesley Rensburg writes from Cape Town

Published in the November 2025 issue of The Southern Cross