As a rule of thumb, we can be as happy as Larry

TEN years ago, my wife asked me who Larry was and why he was so happy.

All these years and five fairly large and very expensive reference books later, I have discovered that apparently Larry was an Australian boxer called Larry Foley (1814 -1917), but still no reason is given for his joyfulness or why he gave rise to the expression: “Happy as Larry”.

Maybe it was because he never lost a match. Or was so agile and elusive as not to get hit by his opponents.

On the other hand, it might have been that the very first punch he received in his boxing career so addled his brain that all it was capable of doing was make him hit, duck and smile.

Apart from a possible link between this idiom and “larrikin”, the Cornish dialect’s version for the word “larking”, my Internet search proved to be fruitless, but I did pick up some other interesting facts that might or might not be pure urban legend.

In the 1400s a law was passed in England allowing a husband to beat his wife, but only with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule  of thumb”.

Every day more money is printed for the board game Monopoly than for the US Treasury.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter was Mark Twain’s The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter A? One thousand.

What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windscreen wipers and laser printers have in common? All were invented by women.

Which day of the year are there more reverse-charge phone calls than any other day of the year? On Father’s Day.

More than 75% of people reading this will have tried by now to lick their elbows.

How do you know you are living in 2009? When you accidentally enter your bank ATM PIN number on the microwave. When you have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three. When leaving the house without your cellphone, which you didn’t even have the first 40 years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

And that most elusive question of all time — the meaning of life:

Very early on the first day, God created the dog. “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of 20 years.” The dog said: “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years, and I’ll give you back the other ten?” So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said: “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a 20-year life span.” The monkey said: “Monkey tricks for 20 years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?” And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said: “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of 60 years.” The cow said: “What’s a farmer? But anyway, that’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I’ll give back the other 40?” And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said: “Eat, sleep, play, work hard, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you 20 years.” But man said: “Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 cow gave back, the ten monkey gave back, and the ten dog gave back? That makes 80, okay?” “Fine,” said God, “you asked for it.”

That’s why, for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave away to support our family. For the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain our grandchildren. And for the last ten years we sit on the front stoep and bark at everyone.