In grief, touched by an angel

By Jacqueline McCarroll

I  have been very fortunate to have felt Shane a blessing from God. All who have experience loss, grief and pain caused by the death of a loved one becomes a huge family through the painful thread which knits together all humanity.

Tragic death saddens us, but we are not without hope, we are not without help. God is with us.

Shane passed away at the age of 16 years and ten months on July 18, 2006. It was a blackout — one minute the sun is shining, the next dark night falls.

God brought his son through the darkness of Calvary to the glory of Easter. He has brought me too through the darkness of death to his kingdom of light. I have turned to him with my prayers.

After returning home from a pilgrimage to the Marian shrine at Ngome, KwaZulu-Natal, three months after Shane’s death, I was alone as my husband was away. While sleeping late, I felt a gentle movement encircling the surface of my left leg. If a rainbow makes a sound, or a flower as it grows, that was the sensation I was feeling, mesmerising me.

I gently placed my hand on my leg and  called out to my son: “Shane, you have come to touch mom?” I could feel his presence and felt and indescribable joy. I woke up with delight. I thanked God for my blessing, did my prayers and fell into a deep sleep. That night gave me a lot of strength, it raised my heartbeat, it was real and not merely an imagination.

With this wonderful feeling in my heart I shouted out the secret of the Rosary by St Louis De Monfort.

Rosary means “crown of roses” — a mystical rose bush which comes straight from heaven and is planted in the garden of our soul. Carefully watered and properly attended to every day it will grow to a marvellous height and its branches will have such a wide span rather than hinder other devotions, it will maintain and perfect them.

This mystical rose bush is Jesus and Mary in life, death and eternity. A rose delights us because of its beauty — so here we have Jesus and Mary, and its green leaves are the Joyous Mysteries. Its thorns are sharp, and prick, which makes us think of them in the Sorrowful Mysteries, and its perfume — so sweet that everyone loves it — symbolises their Glorious Mysteries.

Seven months after Shane’s death, at a time when we were in particular need of comfort and strength, we went to Port Edward to present a trophy in memory of Shane at a wake boarding competition. In a newspaper supplement on the event, we spotted a photograph of Shane taken shortly before his untimely death.

I studied this newspaper supplement for a year or two. I saw at a poignant moment in time, the image of my beloved son framed by the South African flag and a flock of white caps that looked to me like a circle of angels. This was a transforming experience and glimpsed something of divine purpose, and again the assurance of Shane’s well- being and presence.

Shane’s aunt, Rev Frankie Thacker described the photo as a modern-day icon. An icon is an image that presents a window through which one is able to grasp something of the sacred life. Here, Rev Thacker said, Shane is captured in the fullness of life and represented through the grace of God as a comfort to those who have loved and lost.

This has opened my eyes and heart. I’ve learnt one of the ways of repaying Shane’s love is not to forget him. And by remembering him, I continue to reap the harvest from what he sowed while with us.

There are people whose impact is almost greater in death than it is in life. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us…