Something funny happened on the way to the synod

By Cardinal Wilfrid Napier OFM

Something funny happened to me on the way to the Forum. These words, borrowed from the title of a comedy of many moons ago, came to mind as I sat in the plane taking me to the Synod for Africa held in Rome from October 4-25, 2009.

It all began with a short message from Accra, Ghana, saying that the triennial meeting of the Symposium of Episcopal Conferences of Africa and Madagascar (SECAM) had been cancelled.

“Ah,” thought I, “rather than change my ticket and incur penalties, I’ll use the extra free days to visit family in England.” Brilliant idea! But there was only one snag: as a result of Home Affairs bungling, I’d have to first get a British visa. What that would entail is another story, to be told at another time.

Acting on reliable information that getting a visa would take between five and ten days, I sent my passport off for processing. That’s when the drama began. Five days went to seven, then to ten plus. The scheduled departure date loomed, but my passport was still lodged at the British High Commission in Pretoria. Tickets had to be saved, adding at least another four days. I eventually got my passport, hours before the rescheduled flight was due to depart.

The on-line check-in worked a charm, until I noticed that the Frankfurt-Rome leg had not come through. I was assured that this would be no problem as that could be put right at Johannesburg.

But that’s when the fun began in earnest. The check-in clerk re-issued all my boarding passes anew. So there I was, waiting calm and sedate for the flight to be called. In fact all went swimmingly. After boarding, I was ensconced in my seat, a little puzzled as to why I was in a window seat when I had selected one on the aisle. No problem, at least I was on the plane and soon would be on my way. Then up came this guy and said: “Sorry, sir, but you are in my seat.” “I don’t think so. Here’s my boarding pass,” said I, producing my pass.

“That’s true, but it’s my name on it.” And so it was, Mr Francesco Same.

As I yielded my seat to its rightful owner, the purser assured me that I’d have a seat. Off she went to make the necessary changes, only to return with the news that I was on the wrong flight to Frankfurt. “This is a Lufthansa flight, you’re booked on the SAA flight. Don’t worry, we’ll get you over to that departure gate.”

Accordingly a Lufthansa attendant escorted me, assuring me as we rushed along: “No problem, I’ll get you through in time. By the way, here’s the number for your luggage.”

At the SAA gate the wheels came off again: “Sir, you’ll have to go to passenger services for your proper boarding pass.”

What a time to discover just how big Jo’burg airport is! It must be 5km end to end! Somehow I managed to out-bolt even Mr Bolt of Olympic fame. As I approached the gate with the requisite boarding passes a most considerate SAA attendant came to meet me. She literally grabbed the boarding pass out of my hand before sprinting to the gate to complete my boarding procedure, so I could get on the flight.

As I sat in my previously reserved seat, I quietly said to myself: “That’s enough drama for a life time. let alone one trip! Surely nothing can possibly go wrong now.” Famous last words; how wrong I was!

In Frankfurt I had to get a boarding pass for the leg to Rome. As I waited my turn, I noticed a sign which said the luggage tag, or at least the tag’s number, had to be produced. Somewhere along the line the piece of paper on which the Lufthansa man had written my number had gone missing.

“Sorry, sir, without the tag or its number we cannot guarantee that your bag will be loaded. Therefore you may receive it a few days late.”

As I waited for the Rome flight, I said quietly to myself: “There’s nothing for it now but to pray to St Anthony to either find Mr Francesco Same or work a miracle.”

Once again the miracle working saint came up tops. With the description given to the attendant and by using a process of elimination, the ground staff at Frankfurt were able to identify my suitcase, so it would be loaded after all.

Thus was brought to a happy conclusion the saga which can rightly be described as “something funny happened to me on the way to the forum”.

But this comedy of errors raises some interesting questions, not least about the security arrangements at our premier airport, OR Tambo International.

How could I be issued with someone else’s boarding pass when the procedures require you to produce your passport together with your ticket? How did the check-in clerk issue me with Mr Same’s pass, when he had my passport and photo in front of him?

But even more worrying: how could I get through all the security checks before boarding?

Once again boarding pass and passport had to be produced. Surely something will have to be done before the World Cup, if we are not to run risk of having a real disaster.

Cardinal Wilfrid Napier is the archbishop of Durban.