Women’s spirituality in the 21st century

BY COLLEEN CONSTABLE

In the modern world women have to advance and adapt prayer techniques. What worked once may need adaptation now. We need to be open to such changes according to our own personal circumstances.

Sometimes a “one size fits all” approach to prayer may not be appropriate. There are different variations to our prayer life: in posture, formula and format, according to our preferences. All this finds its way into our personal, intercessory and community prayer lives.

We need to find the connecting point under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, to create balance in our spiritual life, and to allow an element of surprise: that you can move from “beginner to advanced status” in the blink of an eye.

St Teresa of Avila called Jesus “His Majesty”. This implies that she saw him through his divinity. That determined the departure point of their relationship. It was the 15th century.

The 21st century woman has been groomed by her mother and catechist about the divinity of Christ, but they might not have been indoctrinated on how to have a personal, intimate relationship with him.

Maybe generation X and Y women today may want to engage Jesus on different terms. Adoring his divinity, she may turn to him in his humanity and ask him to be her BMF: her “best male friend”.

She knows no other male friend can compete with him. And he will always be there! She starts her relationship with him, integrating and glorifying his divinity and humanity. He becomes the person with whom she shares her secrets, before whom she becomes most vulnerable and sheds more than the occasional tear. He becomes her psychologist and physician, consultant and life coach.

Sometimes she agrees with him, sometimes she totally disagrees: at times she does not understand why he chooses complicated ways to solve simple problems. And he prefers lessons she would not choose. He sets his own time for each season. In the long run she discovers that though his way is difficult to understand and follow, the outcome is perfect, and it is so cool to have him around!

She decides to keep him as her permanent life coach. The reason: better than him you cannot get. There are no consultation fees and the advice is most accurate. He only requires her to spend time with him, sometimes in silence so she can hear him clearly. And he has a support system available without charge.

His mother is the BMTK: “best mom to know”. She has perfect credentials, including the right street address and is heavily connected. She has a huge network that cannot be matched by anyone else. It is said that those who call on her for help have never been disappointed. If you want to be counted, get to know her and keep the connection.

It makes sense to visit the BMTK and chat to her and get her to discuss the concern with him.

The mother will not take it to the son if it does not require his intervention. And if she does take it to him, he will surely cancel all other appointments to assist his mother.

And sometimes he sends his love: then her spirit is uplifted and she finds herself in cheerful mood at the most awkward moments. She suddenly sees the knot in the rope, and the missing link, and she finds the connecting points in the puzzle. She no longer cares to stand in a crooked line. She looks at everybody else and sees how wonderful and crazy they all are: life is indeed great!

Generation X and Y women cannot ask for a better rolemodel than the remarkable and youthful St Thérèse of Lisieux, Carmelite nun and Doctor of The Little Way of Spiritual Childhood. She is so cool that every woman can relate to this true modern day, contemporary saint.

Unlike many of the women saints that preceded her, St Thérése had no legacy of raptures, ecstasies and visions, but a grounded spirituality where she wanted only an “elevator”, a shortcut to reach sanctity.

Extremity had no place in her spiritual approach: her form of penance included “mortifying her self-love” of which some examples are simply good manners, such as “not to interrupt another’s story with a witty remark or another story”. She preferred to eat the leftovers. She saw others as the most important person – and herself as a sinner who has been forgiven in advance. “My vocation is love,” she explained.

Likewise, Mother Teresa of Calcutta loved with joy. Her life and religious order provide a blueprint of how to love and serve your neighbour with joy. It gives true meaning to the concept of Christian love: a love that has no boundaries or limits.

If Mother Teresa’s example of joyful love and service to the marginalised of our society is applied by every follower of Christ, irrespective of denomination, suffering and poverty will have a new face.

Families will be reunited: for the marginalised in our society are there because their loved ones, whether immediate or extended relations, have long given up on the joy of loving them.

It is much easier for us to ignore a family member who turns out to be the “black sheep”. If they end up in prison, we might sever contact and spend time mourning the disgrace to the family name. Their names are not to be mentioned. If they live on the streets, we make as if the resemblance is by default and deny the relation instantly. Or we just turn a blind eye, saying: “I cannot live their life for them.”

But we forget that the problem will not disappear. It will just become someone else’s problem – of the Mother Teresa’s of the day, who walk the streets to give love and joy to those that society gave up on.

If we fix our dysfunctional family relations, we may solve a large part of the socio-economic problems in our community. Mother Teresa has left us a different legacy of true love.

For centuries women have fought in society to get better support, hence the birth of women’s networks and forums, sisterhood groups, etc. In our spiritual life every other woman is our sister. Every girl child is your child, every woman your younger or older sister. Women and girls can learn much from each other. In the spiritual world we may find the jewel in the girl child we have just passed by. She may have discovered new shortcuts to sanctity without doing any spiritual reading.

May true spiritual sisterhood grow from strength to strength.