Growth by suffering and mourning

BY CATHERINE DE VALENCE

It is difficult to counsel and comfort someone who has endured the loss of a loved one when we ourselves have never been in their shoes, but when we have experienced it we can have compassion for them and walk alongside them in their loss.

We cannot take their pain away or expect them to just get over it as if their bereavement never happened, but we can give them hope that eventually in time, this pain will heal, through the healing touch of God.

God weeps with us, for he knows what it is like to lose a child. Jesus weeps with us, for he knows what it felt like when his friend Lazarus died away (he wept with his friends Mary and Martha).
There is nothing wrong in expressing our sadness and tears. Faith is not about suppressing our emotions, but allowing God peace and love to comfort us during our times of grief, through the love and comfort of others.

At the time of loss, we might fail to see how God has spared a loved one from pain and suffering. We might fail to see how in our vulnerable state, many have been drawn to compassion and softening of hearts with us. We might fail to see how many lives have been touched and changed by the eulogy, and how it has brought a community and family members closer together in pray. We might fail to see how God has been there all along, making something positive out of a negative situation. When we start to understand this, our healing process can start taking place, in the grace and love of God.

We can draw comfort that our loved ones are with God, and allow our loss to prepare us better, spiritually, to meet our Father and loved ones. We can draw comfort in knowing that this parting is not good bye, but au revoir—“to see you again”.

It is in our time of sufferings that we are drawn closer to God, that we rely and depend on him. It is during those times that his love is poured more fully into our hearts, and that we experience his strength in our time of weakness and need. It is in our poverty that we experience his providence the most. I am thankful for my times of sufferings, because they have enabled me to grow spiritually.

Sometimes we might question why God allows sufferings, and turn away from him; but if we try and accept our sufferings and turn to God, we will experience his peace.
Faith is embraced by thanking God in good times and in bad, for faith believes in things not yet seen. Being thankful for suffering acknowledges that through God growth can emerge from a bad experience, even if we cannot see it at the time.
Suffering is the key to the Kingdom of God; the way to “the way, the truth and the life”; the necessity for self-awareness, of our weaknesses and limitation; the acknowledgement of our sins and our need for repentance; our step towards acceptance and non-judgmental approach to others, because of the growth in the knowledge of our own imperfections; the opening of our vulnerability to others, which increases our humility, and brings out their merciful compassion through Christ; embracing our experiences as learning tools and; our liberation from false self, to finding true self in Christ; a time of experiencing God’s providence, protection, salvation and strength, understanding, knowledge, joy, peace and love in spite of everything; what enables our detachment from this world, to be united in eternal, internal intimacy with God; the stepping stone to a New Life in Christ, a life of holiness and wholeness through the presence of God within us; the foundation of the merciful, compassionate God who uses our sufferings to free us and others; a time where our faith is strengthened in God’s faithfulness to us through his help in times of sufferings, through the love of others.

And suffering is a time when our love for others is most tested, and God’s unconditional love is felt in and through us the most.