Is the death of marriage near?

BY SAMUEL FRANCIS IMC

The headline in a Kenyan daily newspaper a few months ago demanded: “Is the institution of marriage under threat? Then let’s do away with it.”

The writer was inspired by a case in which a husband had murdered his wife and two sons in cold blood before committing suicide by hanging himself with a rope inside the same house.

This was just one such case where husbands and wives have turned against each other and children against their own parents. The writer went on to point out that even in the western world, marriage has lost its meaning as men and women have taken to sexually befriending and marrying each other in same sex unions.

The writer argued that marriage is the most peculiar, irrational, selfish and restrictive institution ever invented, and concluded by stating his hope that future generations will have the moral courage to abolish it because the human race can continue without it.

This year, May was declared “Family Month” by the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference. Of course, the Church should not limit her focus on family to one month only.

Even the first family, in the creation account in the book of Genesis, had its share of tribulations; it did not take long before things began to fall apart. The serpent drove a wedge between the first couple and God. And when God sought an explanation, neither Adam nor Eve was ready to take the blame; instead they resorted to pointing fingers.

It was in that first family in which the first murder was committed: the jealous Cain turning against his younger brother Abel; and when God called him to account, he bluntly said that he was not his brother’s keeper. Ever since Cain, many families have faced similar tribulations.

The world adores a love story and thirsts for narratives of hope in difficult times. This is what a wedding offers. As the bride and the groom exchange their marital vows, they envision a future full of love and happiness.

Unfortunately, sometimes marriage bliss doesn’t last forever. Few marriages these days are free from tangled family constellations. How can the Church help couples to learn to forgo the many little liberties in marriage?

St Martin de Porres parish in Woodlands, Pietermaritzburg, is one community that has found a way.

The parish formed a family ministry group whose goal is to spread the Good News of family life by rediscovering the beauty of married and family life. Members of the group intend to renew and foster family life and reach out to couples with problems by offering them means of healing and reconciliation.

Already they are networking with other family life organisations, Church groups and agencies promote a vision of greater family focus in the Church, based on the values of the holy family. They have invited guest speakers who have shared with parishioners their personal life experiences of troubled marriages and how they managed to save their families from disintegration.

Marriage is not a contract, but a commitment, a commitment where 1+1=1 and not 2.

Becoming one flesh simply means that the two people share everything they have; not only their bodies, not only their material possession, but also their thinking and their feelings, joys and sufferings, hopes and fears, successes and failures.

Through family ministry, the Church can help couples realise that marriage is to be enjoyed, not endured.

The family is the domestic church. Therefore, if we have healthy and stable families, then we will have healthy and stable individuals, healthy and stable parishes and a healthy and stable society.

May the spirit of God encourage husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters to learn to appreciate one another and to be grateful for the gift of family.

Samuel Francis studies at St Joseph’s Theological Institute in Cedara, KwaZulu-Natal.