Family is the foundation of life

A husband and wife, beaming grandparents and two-point-four children — it might be the stereotypical television family, but it’s not the typical South African family.

The environment in which most South Africans live is not conducive to such white-picket fence images. But where society has failed the family, the Church still maintains the value of the family and it is of utmost importance to a world that might not possess the traditional support systems.

The traditional family has been affected by a decrease in marriage rates, an increase in divorce rates, growing numbers of single parent families mostly of women and children.

Toni Rowland, the coordinator of the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference (SACBC), says the absence of fathers, many of whom are living away from their families, is a serious concern for the well-being of all the members. She adds: “Women’s empowerment, while necessary and good, has also had an impact on family life with many women working, developing a career and placing children in some form of childcare.

A strong focus on the rights of children and young people has put a strain on parent-child relationships and discipline.” HIV/Aids has also impacted the family, she added.

Lucy Mlangeni of Good Shepherd parish in Protea North, Johannesburg, says her community is made up of many different kinds of families. “Some have no fathers, some are headed by the elder brother or sister, some are headed by grandparents,” but these are still all equally important as families.

Even Jesus was born into an unconventional family and that family has become the pinnacle of holiness. Similarly, Vatican II encouraged us to see today’s family — whatever kind of family that may be — as the most precious of human values.

Pope John Paul II said in his apostolic exhortation Familiaris Consortio (1981) that the Church would be there for whichever kind of family needed her: “The Church wishes to speak and offer her help to those who are already aware of the value of marriage and the family and seek to live it faithfully, to those who are uncertain and anxious and searching for the truth, and to those who are unjustly impeded from living freely their family lives.”

South Africa’s bishops set out to do the same. The SACBC’s Family Life Desk was set up in 2003 as a response to the 2000 Pastoral Forum which identified “strengthening family life in the home” as one of the priorities for the local Church, and after consultation with family organisations and other role players.

Mrs Rowland says their objectives originally focused strongly on awareness raising of the family as the domestic church, networking with others, providing resources and offering training.

“The particular approach taken by the Family Life Desk has been to promote a vision of the parish as a community of families and to provide training for parish family ministry.”

The importance of the community as an extended family is evident across the country. “We would be nothing without family and the community,” says Carlos Camara, a parishioner of Santa Maria dos Portugueses in Pretoria.

“The community, which is the extended family, always lends a helping hand. In dire circumstances, we rally behind a family to assist them, by assisting financially in hosting a fundraising feast. We create a special event, or we use one of the feast days to host the event and instead of the church receiving the funds, the funds go to the family in need.”

Where finances are not the solution, the community is able to provide in other ways. Ms Mlangeni says due to the number of families in need, the role of the Church is even greater today. “Families provide support, they keep you grounded and they give you direction. Where a family is not providing one of those — the Church is able to step in and help.”

The young Good Shepherd parishioner says her parish makes an effort to pray for families every Sunday, which has brought many closer together. “We also have groups in the communities that provide the support during the week, when sometimes you can’t get to church.”

Some of the groups working in communities include the Catholic Women’s League (CWL). Sandy Page, CWL chairwoman at Ss Peter and Paul parish in George, Oudtshoorn diocese, says their work is most helpful at local shelters for battered women and children. “Through family violence and abuse [these women] have to leave their homes sometimes in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes they have on, and the police take them to the shelter.” She says these are still families and need the attention of the Church.

The CWL and groups such as the St Vincent de Paul Society also help families by collecting food parcels, clothing and household items during the year. “CWL ladies take baby clothing, disposable nappies as well as ladies and gents clothing to a place called Options which is a Pregnancy Crisis Centre for mothers to be who need help deciding what to do with their unborn babies,” says Ms Page. In a world where family life has been affected by so much, the work of these Church organisations is ever more important.

“Because of these functions families are also massively in need of support and formation,” says Mrs Rowland. “A family is still regarded as the ideal place for socialisation of its members.

“Children and adults too experience a family as a place to receive love and acceptance and learn a range of relationship skills,” Mrs Rowland says, adding that a spirituality of marriage and of family life and relationships is generally nurtured in a family.

Mrs Rowland said families need encouragement to stay together and work together so as to improve the life of the individuals within the family.

Ms Page added that family members can be helped by encouraging them to socialise among other family members.

Similarly, Mrs Rowland says families should be protected and supported as much as possible. “Families are still regarded by society and the Church to be the basic cell of society, a place of intimate relationships, nurturance, support, education and teaching lifeskills.”

Mr Camara said family is a form of support “when we are down, and are there when we celebrate.” When family can’t be there, the community is. “In our community we have an organisation called ‘Lusiadas’ — a welfare organisation, that was created to assist the families in our community that are struggling.” Mr Camara said 27 families are currently being assisted.

Ms Mlangeni believes the Church is able to fill in where role models are absent from family life. “Modern influences are not positive influences. We need role models. If your family does not contain role models, the Church could be an answer.” She says, as a young person, it’s easy to stray and community and Church groups can keep you on the right path—one with positive and Catholic elements.

While the image of the family has changed, the value of the family has not and in the eyes of the Church, it will not. Every effort will be made to uphold the significance of the family especially in a contemporary world where its sanctity is threatened.