Marriage? Consider the best options

I travelled to the Cape the other day to have a little holiday and attend a wedding. Nothing unusual, you might think; people go to weddings all the time.

Weddings are big business, and expensive big business, as any parent will know.

Is one allowed to get cynical? Here today, gone tomorrow, some would say. A fancy wedding, and within months or a few years, a breakdown, possibly a divorce.

What I liked about this particular wedding was that the young couple were personally very involved. They had chosen the religious setting, the readings and hymns. The vows were in their own words.

What felt strange to me as a Catholic, with reverent silence the norm in our churches, was the happy buzz of conversation in the chapel at the wedding venue while we awaited the arrival of the bride.

What felt strange too was that though the bride is from a Catholic family, the couple had chosen their own religious path.

The occasion was challenging, too. The many young people in the congregation sang lustily along with the bride and groom.

A number of speakers in church and at the reception spoke of the fact that marriage is not an easy ride. The couple need to get to know each other, to grow together, to work at their relationship, to have God in their lives, and to live their covenant with God.

I am sure I will be joined by many Catholic parents when I say I hope such children will find their way back to the Catholic Church. I have great hopes for this couple, and wish them many blessings in their life ahead.

That said, it is sometimes difficult not to feel cynical about weddings, with nice talk and messages heard along with some of the more ribald innuendoes.

Marriage is living a life made up of all kinds of elements, good and bad, hard and easy, joyful and painful. Marriage is, for me, a neglected sacrament in the church. We go to weddings, preach and pray, but tend to neglect the couple’s welfare from there on.

Few priests and people are involved in marriage ministry. The SACBC Family Life Desk has chosen marriage as the theme for the month of February, and World Marriage Day is on February 13, the day before St Valentine’s Day.

This means we can talk to children and youth about marriage, not just about Valentine’s Day. It means we speak of romance and Valentine’s Day to all the couples in our communities as we pray for them all: those who are newly wed, those who have cherished and supported one another for 10, 20, 30 or 50 or more years.

We can pray for and support those who are struggling, those who are experiencing loss in their lives for whatever reason. We can challenge couples to work at their marriage every day, and provide them with the necessary resources, and, most difficult of all, encourage them to use available resources.

Marriages, even more than business ventures and relationships, need management and development training.I also agree with one article I came across recently on the subject of gay marriages, which are the subject of much debate right now.

The writer said he thought the best response to this current negative focus on marriage was to pay more attention to strengthening the very many regular marriages rather then get hung up on the few more irregular relationships.

I’m sure that there are hundreds of thousands of marrieds who could be enriched and renewed, and thousands of couples cohabiting or married according to traditional custom only, who could be invited to have their relationship regularised.

Driving through the Cape in philosophical mood, an analogy struck me. In the spring I came to the Cape to view the feast of colours of the wild spring flowers. The countryside was gorgeous and alive. Now, at the height of summer a summer with very little rain, and water restrictions in place that same countryside is brown and dry. In some places no crops are being grown for lack of water.

Nourishment is essential for life and growth in nature, and in human relationships. Is your marriage in its springtime, or a heat-exhausted summer drought? Are we allowing marriages to perish when there is nourishment available? Are we prepared to bear the cost?

Events such as the Asian tsunami disaster can help us to value what we do have, and to be prepared to help those in need.