Happy New Year, crocodiles!

What a note on which to end one year and begin another. It is all a question of perception of course.

Listening to a wildlife show with half an ear while parking the car to rush to the post office in the thick of the Christmas rush I heard the presenter extolling the virtues of reptiles, from the little gecko up.

I heard him say: “And then our wonderful friends, the crocodiles.” How attractive they are to visitors! After all, few animals have a whole animal park dedicated to them with hordes of visitors annually, especially during the holiday season when the family is tired of going to the beach, the pool, the beach, the pool, the water park, the hamburger stall and so on. So for a change they go and view the crocodiles, slothful creatures who can sleep for months at a time but are ready to snap to attention at a moment’s notice.

In our family, the title crocodile was reserved for the mother-in-law—my mother, a tiny old lady, but full of spirit and quite some bite. She died tragically in a car accident a few months after her 80th birthday. Now, some years later, I can say she went in “quite in style”!

The title was used endearingly and jokingly, nevertheless it stuck. Mothers-in-law are more often seen as dragons then crocodiles, I think, and in different cultures they have a different role in the family: from matriarch, the power behind the patriarch, to general dog’s-body. They have an important role in teaching the young makhoti the ways and traditions of the family and unfortunately often appear to do so rather harshly. Are they passing on what they learned themselves years ago, or giving the young bride a taste of a harsh life ahead?

As the years go by the relationship continues to have its ups and downs. She is there at child-birth and nowadays also not infrequently at death.

In Western cultures on the whole, mom-in-law does not have that kind of status. Young couples are determined to be as independent as possible and may struggle unnecessarily by not wanting to ask for help or advice.

But in all cultures in our modern times there is nothing like the respect there used to be for the older generation. There is little of deferring to the wishes of one who has become the head of the family by virtue of being the senior family member. Little remains of that natural pecking order, and plans and decisions that impact on the extended family members are now made more democratically and by consensus. Or the bossiest one of the younger generation might rule the roost.

Meanwhile the old crocodile, with the wisdom of maturity, and concerned about peace and harmony in their homes, does not bite their heads off but patiently bides her time. Sooner or later they’re going to come crying to her, and she knows they won’t be crocodile tears either.

It really is a question of perception. No matter what the mother-in-law jokes say, that wonderful friend the crocodile is no oxymoron. Not any kind of moron, really. She may be sometimes foolish, sometimes wise and eventually might lose her mind, but is still pretty useful to have around.

The family life focus for 2006 is Marriage and Family, a Tower of Strength and for January it is Marriage Preparation. Be prepared mothers-in-law. Be prepared daughters- and sons-in-law. That wonderful friend, the crocodile, can pack some power in that tail of hers, but she has a myriad uses, not least of all minding the baby crocodiles in the holidays.

I suspect that quite a number of readers are also crocodiles. So from one croc to another: “Happy New Year to you and your families.”