New friendships

In the space of just over a decade, the definition of friendship has assumed new forms which are a boon to society, but also pose hazards.

The advent of the Internet, as well as that of cellphone technology such as instant messaging and MXit, has changed the way people relate to each other. Where once a friendship depended on physical proximity, a carefully written letter posted by mail or a telephone call, now many people routinely exercise friendships by e-mail or SMS.

Some people consider as friends people they have never met. Where in the days of so-called snail-mail one might have had a small number of unmet pen pals, in the cyberage one collects friends on websites such as MySpace without needing to know who they are, because on the Internet, most people go by a pseudonym.

One needs to differentiate between friends made on social networking sites and the real nature of friendship, which depends on a certain measure of personal contact, companionship and implicit trust.

Friendships created on the Internet can be illusory. Many, however, are not. Precisely because one can retain anonymity of the Internet, one can exercise the freedom of choice whether or not to reveal oneself to others, in ways one may not feel comfortable with in personal relationships.

The support structures which Internet communities can create have the potential to do much good, and can even contribute to personal growth.

The downside of that anonymity and lack of human contact in the moment of interaction in cyberspace, is that some people forget their manners; how to behave themselves.

Thus, one may find a friendly and timid person in real life acting out with undue aggression and rudeness from the protective bubble of physical disengagement.

Generally, however, Internet communities tend to be friendly ambiences in which one can form relationships’and, unlike personal relationships, switch these off when one so chooses. One may be tempted to spend one’s entire social life on the Internet, but this can surely not be healthy.

Friendships conducted through social networking sites such as Facebook or message boards, or those conducted by sporadic e-mails or SMSs, can complement but not replace real human relationships. Such relationships are built on a handshake or hug, eye contact, sharing one another’s presence. The Internet can be a wonderful source for support, knowledge and even camaraderie, but it cannot provide the human warmth that every person needs and perhaps does not always receive.

As the Jesuit magazine Civilta Cattolica rightly points out, living one’s life in cyberspace carries the risk of a creeping alienation from the real world. Yet we live in the real world. Those tempted by the cyber world are well advised to enjoy its many benefits, but also to ensure that they do not become divorced from real life.