When Church works hurt marriages

by Michael Shackleton · January 19, 2009

I have noted some Catholic spouses devote significant time to good works via church activities, yet in some cases it is self-evident that their marriages suffer in the process. Does the Church see this as a form of suffering to be endured for the glory of God by both partners, or should the focus not be on the family first? What is the official teaching?

Before official teaching, think of common sense. Spouses that mutually love and respect each other will always make decisions together. When they differ, it is normal for the pair to exchange ideas and see how they can settle things without either one being put out about it. If that fails to resolve the matter to mutual satisfaction, there is possibly a lurking problem in their emotional relationship.

When a Christian married couple, possibly together with their children, engage in helping others for a good cause, we expect that they do so for the love of Christ and neighbour. But when they do works of kindness and charity while at once ignoring or downplaying their obligations to home and family, they are not being very Christian about it. Even worse would be for a spouse to stay away from home doing church jobs simply to spite the other spouse or family members.

In self-evident cases in which couples are under strain because of church activities, no matter how important the activities are perceived to be by priest and others, the couple’s duty is either to adjust those activities to suit the marriage or stop them altogether. In sincerely trying to serve others, no one has a right to neglect their fundamental duties to their family.

The Church’s position is that married couples share in an unbreakable covenant of love that has its origin in the unbreakable covenant of love between Christ and his Church. In this they enrich their spiritual life together and aid each other on the way to eternal salvation. Vatican II, especially in the documents Lumen gentium and Gaudium et spes, stressed this. See also Ephesians 5.

Because marriage is a state in which husband and wife seek moral and religious perfection for each other, they must strive to foster this goal and avoid anything to the contrary.

The Church, therefore, would like every couple to take their marriage into account before they consider undertaking any activity that could disrupt the equilibrium of their sacramental union.