A lesson from judging too soon

Learning from and teaching for life fits in well with the March family life theme of “Managing Growth” which of course is one of the aspects of the 2009 theme “Marriage and Family Growing Together.”

I chose managing growth because on March 21 we in South Africa celebrate Human Rights Day, and I believe that rights should not just be demonstrated or even fought over but something that needs serious reflection and discussion and choices and consequences and responsibilities. Formation about human rights is especially important and much of that should happen in a home setting, quite simply, at times by teaching and also by example.

The MARFAM faith sharing booklet Teaching the Way of Love used principles of Catholic Social Teaching, one of which is integral development. A brief quotation from the Compendium of the Social Doctrine of the Church illustrates the important role of families in this: “The family has the responsibility to provide an integral education, directed towards the formation of the human person in view of his final end and the good of society. This integrality is ensured when children — with the witness of life and in words — are educated in dialogue, encounter, social and legal standards, solidarity and peace.”

We learn from life all the time, but also sometimes have difficulty teaching others what we have learned.

On the bus from George to Cape Town not long ago, I got on in the dead of night, half asleep and settled into the tiny corner allocated to me, feeling irritated by its tininess. The eyes of a man across the aisle watched wordlessly making me feel quite uncomfortable. We slept fitfully on and off with the bus stopping from time to time. Some passengers got off and on, leaving me delighted to have an empty seat beside me while across the aisle a lady took up the seat next to the man. By then it was daytime and I heard them chatting, he in a slow laboured way. Gradually I came to realise that he had some impediments including a calliper on his leg. Maybe he’d had a stroke and here I had been judging him negatively. The lady got off before me and I did become more friendly towards him, still feeling some inner guilt.

What did I learn from life and how can I teach the lesson? Well, I realised the danger of judging people without knowing the full facts while at the same time also being conscious of the very real danger of being a woman, or in many cases a young girl, having to deal with all kinds of men that might well be predators.

I feel sad at times that many of us older people seem to end up keeping our lessons to ourselves, but hopefully integrating them into our own awareness and attitudes. We may then hope to find an opportunity to share our lessons with others, ideally our children and possibly our grandchildren, because we don’t necessarily have the right to impinge on the rights of parents to teach their children their way.

Learning and teaching from life, from insight and experience, the textbooks of life, are gifts. To what extent is extending that gift further a right or a duty? Another principle of Catholic Social Teaching is subsidiarity, letting people do for themselves rather than doing for them. That applies to grandparents, parents, youth and smallies too as we all manage our growth.