Do this in memory of me

Within the overall 2009 family life theme of growing together, “Growing bigger and older” is the family life theme for July. This refers to every family of course, because growing is involuntary; it just happens automatically (except of course in the case of growing fat and lazy which could or should be controlled). Individual family members grow bigger and older but a family as a unit grows bigger and older too and often in a more or less organised or haphazard way.

Families, in different cultures, are experienced and operate differently too. The extended family is seen as the norm in African culture, but also in other groups, such as Portuguese and Lebanese, the extended rather than nuclear family is how a family is perceived.

No matter in whatever form a family operates, it has a history, a past, a present and also a future. I believe that memories and dwelling on memories is valuable, even necessary. In many cases healing of memories is particularly valuable.

I have found though that the younger generation doesn’t seem to have too much time for dwelling on memories, or on anything else for that matter. Instant-everything is the expectation. I wonder if digital photos, even if put on Facebook or personal websites or saved on one’s computer, have the same significance as paging through a photoalbum and laughing over what granddad looked like sitting in his highchair or eating mud as babies do. Recognising ourselves right across the changing generations in our old photos brings back happy, sad, funny and plenty of embarrassing memories too.

I relate well to the Greek philosopher Socrates who stated that “the unreflected life is not worth living”. Maybe we oldies reflect a little too much for our own good or for others’ liking, but reflecting on life is a value for me. Journalling alone or dialoguing with another and expressing thoughts and feelings on paper can be really helpful to cope with life situations but also to gain understanding of ourselves. The month of June has for me been filled with memories past, and also opportunities to create new memories.

My mom died in June 1999, Chris, my late husband, in June 2000. Our first Marriage Encounter weekend 30 years ago happened on the same mid-June weekend that is usually celebrated as Fathers’ Day in South Africa.

So this Fathers’ Day I was with most of the children but, because our youngest grandchild was being baptised (and so creating a new memory) there were other extended family members present. I don’t know if that is why when I asked the older grandchildren, “Do you remember granddad?” they replied, “Kind of,” and seemed keen to move on to other things while I wanted them to share what memories they had.

Did they find him friendly, a bit remote maybe, not really a kiddy kind of granddad? Did they and their parents, our children and children-in-law, really know him as I grew to know and love him over the 33 years we shared a life, creating our memories? They remember his habits and mannerisms, but would they recognise him if he came back and stood among them?

Is that what Jesus asks of us with the words, “Do this in memory of me”? Is it making him present and all that he stood for and recognising him as someone we know and love, or is it merely a recital of those (admittedly very important) words he uttered after breaking bread and sharing a cup of wine, giving himself to them on the night before he died?

The Jews believe that a memory relives the event and, yes, that is what I believe Jesus meant. It is what I would like all our most special memories to be too. Or is that an oversimplification or even a heresy? I hope not.

Who is the reminder on the screensaver on your computer screen or cellphone? Maybe for some it’s Jesus, or special people or symbols for others. But the experience of love that we commemorated just recently at Pentecost and that we live out in our daily lives is surely an experience of God too, if we but recognise it as such.

That for me is what “the priesthood of the laity” that I shared about last month is about. Not so?