Anyone for marriage?

It seems that an invitation to marriage nowadays could be about as casual as an invitation to tennis — and as old-fashioned.  But the fact that many young people are delaying marriage doesn’t necessarily mean that they treat it lightly.

Some of them, even those in long-term relationships, say they don’t feel ready or comfortable with the idea. One shouldn’t blame them for that or, as parents, try to force them into a commitment. Still parents and many others in marriage education feel confused by this trend.

Young adults are heavily influenced by current social standards and norms, and the Church can and should be closely in touch with that.

During these weeks of the bishops’ Family Life Desk’s Marriage Awareness Campaign I am reflecting on the subject of marriage for young adults, and not on the sexual involvement of teenagers. Many of the young adults are cohabiting for a variety of reasons, and sex is just one aspect of their relationship. The Church’s teaching on abstinence until marriage is largely disregarded.

Smartmarriages, a coalition of marriage educators in the US, regularly circulates helpful and informative articles and letters. A recent piece from an Evangelical (Pentecostal) source included the statement “while sex matters, marriage matters more”. It does make one think. The article notes that abstinence-only discussions have also led to a belief that sex after marriage will be phenomenal if people would only wait — but that is not necessarily the case. The article, titled “Don’t wait to get married”, rather controversially suggests that earlier marriage is an option.

From another angle, good and healthy role models are necessary too: couples living their marital spirituality with joy, couples getting on with things and doing their best to cope with issues that may be more or less complex then was expected of them in previous generations.

As we started the marriage campaign I was invited to give some inspirational talks at  parish, but was myself inspired in a much more practical way by the life experiences of two couples.

One couple, married 58 years, never had any children of their own, but have brought up four — two adopted children in their younger years and their two granddaughters whom they adopted and have  carried right through  the teenage years into young adulthood too.  It certainly wasn’t and still isn’t easy, but his comment to me was: “We have been greatly blessed in so many ways.”

Another couple has a child with a disability and so she chose to change her career and their lifestyle to accommodate the son in a very practical way. And they still give much time to minister in their parish.

Having also experienced the recent Pastoral Forum on the topic “the priesthood of the laity”, I have seen and experienced this priesthood lived out in the lives of these couples.   Sadly not enough lay people understand and appreciate this concept fully. Do we teach that through our baptism we are called to share in the mission of Jesus? The sacrament of marriage completes this baptismal calling as we offer the events of our daily lives as sacrifices — not always or necessarily painful ones — with Jesus and the priest at Mass.

And what is the future for marriage in our Church and in the world? Who knows, but through ongoing formation and ministry to married couples, families and the community we can only do our best to make it a serious option and commitment.

I hope that many in the local Church have joined the Marriage Awareness Campaign and that many couples and everyone in their parishes will celebrate this foundation sacrament on Marriage Day on October 4 with the enthusiasm and passion it deserves.

For more information on the Marriage Awareness Campaign visit www.marfam.org.za