Fiddling in smoke

You’ve heard the saying: “Nero was fiddling while Rome was burning.” Could we say that about our activities in South Africa at this time?

While we’re all gearing up for the football World Cup, is South Africa and the world around us burning? Recent events, mainly international, do give the impression that there is a great deal of chaos around — acts of God such as earthquakes and volcanoes, economic crises, and the usual array of conflicts and wars. In general there does appear to be an air of disquiet around. What can we do, faced with what we see on TV?

Sometimes we react as if we’re shell-shocked, can’t take any more and just switch off. Sometimes — if the event touches us closely — we’re shocked, angered, saddened, challenged. What is certain is that with the constant access to every imaginable form of media, we’re inundated with so many stimuli that at times, we cannot cope. One response is for people to fly off the handle and react in negative, aggressive and even violent ways. Another is to slip into depression. Not all crime can be attributed to stimulus overload, but a great deal can. And not crime only: abuse and domestic and school violence can also result from too much stress.

So one escape route we have is sports and entertainment. The World Cup promises to give us our fill of both, and we must hope that families will benefit in positive ways from these opportunities.

There has been some criticism of the bishops’ Family Life Desk choosing a theme like “Families Play the Game” for 2010. It could be seen as too flippant in the midst of much distress, but let’s face it, an event like this has the potential to defuse some of the stress, allay some of the distress, bring people together across barriers of race, colour and religion. I believe that it is important, even necessary, to jump on that particular bandwagon with our message of God’s love and joy while at the same time being conscious of the negative aspects of human trafficking and prostitution. The latter could too easily give the Church the image of being spoilsports rather than sports.

Psychological practice these days is to consider challenges as well as opportunities, strengths and growth areas. It pains me when family life is seen mainly as a problem, as does tend to happen in the Church. Of course we recognise that there are problems — major ones. But even in dysfunctional families there is love and there can be joy. Working towards that is one of the challenges in family preservation and family therapy.

Reading up on an important forthcoming event to take place after the games are over, African Agenda 2010, also made me ask myself whether we are fiddling while Rome is burning. An assessment is being made of the progress, or lack thereof, of achieving the Millennium Development Goal targets and civil society is asked to comment on the evaluation.

Ordinary families probably know little about these, but they are important for the overall development of Africa. My concern in the exercise is that there appears to be no spiritual input and no true family focus. Granted that reducing maternal mortality and providing primary education are admirable goals for Africa, but the overall set of goals only considers empowering women not families.

Women in other African countries may be even more disempowered than women in South Africa, where we have made some great strides towards achieving greater equity in many career fields. However, what is happening to our children and the lack of parenting they receive is also a growing concern, albeit not in every quarter. Economic development appears to take precedence over social development.

Is a woman’s or a man’s first responsibility for their own growth and development, or is their marriage relationship a goal to be aimed at? Is being mother or father to our children a value, or are children an encumbrance to be farmed out and given a minimal amount of attention when they demand it, often only because of unacceptable behaviour?

May’s family theme is “The Parenting Game”. Yes a game it is, or could be, but like “The Beautiful Game”, which is the family theme for June, parenting requires training, fitness, dedication and commitment in order to be the beautiful game it is intended to be.

Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet might say: “Your children are not your children, they are the sons and daughters of life’s longing for itself.” But we parents have an invaluable role to play in nurturing that longing for a life like the one they experienced at home, here in South Africa, in 2010.

We owe them that, at least.