Turning a child away

I was upset recently to hear that a child might not be allowed to make his First Communion because he has missed Mass on more than the permitted number of occasions. What is that saying to us?

There is no doubt that there is a problem with Mass attendance, but is the way to address the problem to blackmail a family into taking a child to Mass?
At just the same time I came across a piece in The Southern Cross in which Cardinal Llovera, of the Congregation for Divine Worship and the Sacraments, said that children should be allowed to receive Communion earlier because they are maturing earlier. He went on to say that seeing First Communion as a reward is erroneous. It is the beginning of a journey with Jesus, food for the journey of life.

I strongly believe that our faith is about nurturing a relationship with Jesus, something very precious and important for young children that can too easily be damaged by legalistic approaches. This relationship should of course be nurtured first of all at home in the family, by parents or grandparents or whoever. The family is the child’s primary educator.

Having been a catechist, I do understand the dilemma of priests and catechists in these times of a much more relaxed attitude about Sunday Mass and the practise of one’s faith, but are we turning people away from the Church or from Jesus rather than welcoming them if we refuse to marry them, bury them, baptise their children, restrict them from the Eucharist or confirmation?

There is no easy answer. My response would be a greater family focus, helping families to make their faith a part of their life at home. Also important is a growing sensitivity towards the parish as a community of families and the fact that families are dealing with many issues in their lives and that they need Jesus to be present in their own homes and relationships. That is not only the task of catechists, but of the whole community.

Pope John Paul II in his letter Familiaris Consortio, in which he calls a family an intimate community of life and love, has also noted as the first task of a family “to build the intimate community”. Families don’t only have needs such as marriage preparation or parenting skills, they also have a spirituality of their own that has to be taught in order to help them to build their intimate community of life and love. Otherwise they could just be a group of good, even holy, people living side by side in the same house.

A family-friendly parish actively promotes this spirituality which finds God present in marriage, sex, parenting, relationships with youth and older members, death, divorce. A family-friendly parish has a constant vision of the Church of the home, with the parish as a gathering of these little churches for communal worship on a Sunday. It may be a pipe-dream, but I continue to promote the vision.
Take just a few practical examples that could enrich both parish and family life.
When children are prepared for the sacraments are there some meaningful events that include the parents/family? Are they encouraged to celebrate a time of reconciliation at home and a family prayer meal that can help to deepen their understanding of the sacraments?

Could Confirmation meaningfully be linked to other “coming-of-age” or initiation rites where young people are taught to take responsibility for themselves? How can a family reflect on this together?

Is the sacrament of marriage—not the wedding—celebrated in the parish with couples being recognised and valued? Are couples giving testimonies of the good and not good times? During the bidding prayers at Mass do we pray specifically enough for relevant family issues?

Is there merit in celebrating Grandparents’ Day on the feast of Ss Joachim and Anne, or Women’s Month around the Assumption, or Heritage Month as an opportunity to celebrate our diversity and combat xenophobia in the Church? Did anyone note the week of prayer for prisoners and their families? In November will we walk alongside those who have lost a loved one as well as pray for the repose of their souls? Will that happen at home?

A family-friendly parish sees everything through family eyes, which does include everyone. It need not be difficult to adopt such a mindset and plenty of resources are available. (There is a workshop on parish family ministry coming up soon. Contact me for more information.)

And please try by all means possible not to refuse children their First Communion. Would Jesus want to turn a child away from his table?