I’m sure Mary and Joseph bickered
I don’t know why Professor William Ochieng’ threw that huge tantrum the other day.
Prof Ochieng’ is a respected Kenyan historian, one of those who cut their teeth in academia several decades ago by demonstrating that there is indeed African history, a complex and much deeper area of knowledge than European colonialists were willing to admit. Prof Ochieng’ has written extensively about Africa and its peoples.
So, many people must have been shocked when the scholar recently wrote: “Marriage looks to me the most peculiar, irrational, selfish and restrictive institution man ever invented. I only hope future Kenyan generations will have the moral courage to abolish it. For I am sure the human race can continue without it.”
That coming from an African historian? Shocking. If there is one thing that is at the core of African life, it is the family, built on marriage. The world over, Africans are known for their strong families, so much so that the first African Synod of 1994 gave Catholics the concept of the Church as the family of God.
Why is Prof Ochieng’ so damning of marriage? He is not just an African historian but also an elder. In Africa, elders are revered for their wisdom. Why would an elder call on future generations of Kenyans to abolish marriage? Why would he say marriage has no role in the continuity of the human race?
Prof Ochieng’ was commenting on the sad reality that marriage is in a serious crisis in Kenya today. Hardly a day passes without reports of terrible domestic violence. Angry husbands have butchered their wives and children and then hanged themselves. Wives have poisoned their husbands or children before killing themselves.
Alcoholism and drug use connected to dysfunctional marriages are on the rise. Marital infidelity is now the leading source of new HIV infections. The national HIV/Aids agency says there are between 7000 and 10000 commercial sex workers in Nairobi alone every single night.
Even small Kenyan towns now have street children, mostly products of failed families.
This is what led Prof Ochieng’ to despair about marriage. But is his radical suggestion the answer to this problem? That is a good question to ask this Christmas season.
Rarely is the theme of marriage seen as connected to Christmas, perhaps because Baby Jesus is not the biological child of Joseph and Mary. And Church dogma says Mary remained a virgin after the birth of Jesus, till her death.
But that aside, Mary and Joseph were husband and wife. Did they lead a normal married life; I mean characterised by joys of companionship interspersed with tense moments of petty quarrels, mutual resentment, dissatisfaction and loneliness?
There surely must have been a day when Joseph the carpenter was broke and Mary perhaps thought he had drunk all the money, no? Or a day the couple nearly came to blows because Mary didn’t like that flashy woman who seemed to always have a broken something she wanted Joseph to fix in her house, yeah?
The Bible doesn’t dwell on these matters, which could well suggest that Mary and Joseph in fact lived married life “for better or for worse”. Had theirs been a spectacularly blissful life, completely different from the troubled situations of other couples in their neighbourhood, I think the Gospel writers would have noticed and documented it.
And indeed if the only flawless person in the history of humanity was Jesus Christ—and despite that he also got angry and impatient like all of us—it is safe to assume that the Holy Couple also went through the vagaries of married life.
At least I want to think so this Christmas. Someone has said that no matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.
How about that, Prof Ochieng’? Because there are no perfect persons, there can be no perfect marriage. There is the good and the bad in each union. We need moral courage to live with the whole package—not to abolish the institution.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
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