In crisis, we activate our family love

‘The first thing that a person finds in life and the last to which he holds out his hand, and the most precious that he possess, even if he does not realise it, is family life.” These are the words of Bl Adolph Kolping (1813-65).

Almost all of us are born into a family. The nature, size, culture, atmosphere and values of our families are different for all of us, but each one of us is given a natural role to play within our families.

Our role is either parent (guardian or elder), child or sibling. The role we play is very important and how well (or badly) we play that role, will have an effect on the quality of family life the others in our family experience.

At the heart of playing our roles within our families is love. As we play our roles, we love, knowingly or unknowingly. We don’t think it about any more, or often, but we do it.

But if we do give more attention to the way we play our roles, we will contribute with an awareness to the quality of the family life all of us experience. And our ability to become aware within our families is normally tested by a family member who requires special attention: a sick parent, an alcoholic brother, a troubled teenager, a person living with Aids within our family. When our family members experience some of these difficulties, the most precious thing they possess is family.

When we deal with a family member who is going through a difficult time, it changes the way we normally love. Our love becomes more active—it has to, because the situation demands that it does.

For example, with a sick parent, we have to break our routine and set aside our own plans to visit them or take them to hospital. With an alcoholic brother we have to be more patient and understanding and accompany him to places of help and support him in his efforts to change. With a troubled teenager, we have to physically spend one-on-one time with her to understand her and to empathise with what she is experiencing, and to encourage her. With a person living with Aids we have to understand first of all what Aids is.

This requires us to broaden our understanding of Aids, to get rid of our assumptions about Aids, to get rid of our judgments about people living with Aids, to clear our misconceptions and to deepen our capacity to love and accept this family member living with Aids.

Loving the people in all of the above examples requires action from our part. Love, in general, requires action. The families that we are born into are the places where we are meant to show and experience love first.

As we move through life we experience other forms of family life or community life, but our calling to love actively remains the same.