What is ‘family-friendly’

I have used this title for my column for so long that I have begun to take it for granted and don’t normally give it any serious thought. But what does “family-friendly” really mean, or how is it understood and by whom?

“Faith is born, nurtured, modelled, transmitted, taught and expressed in that home environment quite naturally, whether we are conscious of it or not.” (CNS photo/Paul Haring)

We like to talk about things as being user-friendly, which would mean easy to use and understand. Does the same apply to family-friendly, meaning simple, straightforward, not too challenging to understand? Maybe not. Maybe family-friendly is challenging, taking into consideration what is good and right, not necessarily what is simple and comfortable.

Pope Benedict in Africae Munus, the  African Synod document, writes beautifully: “It is there [in the family] that they [the children] learn to love as they are unconditionally loved, respect for others as they are respected, learn to know the face of God as they receive a first revelation of it from their parents.”

That statement illustrates the concept being developed in the Marfam Family Moments and Faith Moments booklets that accompany the SACBC Family Life Desk 2013 calendar.

It is not through external acts or saying prayers only, but through the intimacy and acceptance in the relationship that the face of God is so powerfully revealed. That does sound pretty straightforward and is promoted long and hard by the Church and all those involved in marriage and family ministry and education.

Parents are the first educators, or let us say the family is the first educator because very many children are not brought up by their parents. Faith is born, nurtured, modelled, transmitted, taught and expressed in that home environment quite naturally, whether we are conscious of it or not.

That is fine if the family members accept this and share a common belief system but how often is that not the case? Children, when they become teens, will quite frequently rebel and want nothing to do with the faith of our fathers. They may be seekers and seek elsewhere for a faith experience they can relate to, but many also drift into a secular world. Is it a faithless world or one of –isms such as materialism and individualism?

I am too often faced with the pain of parents or grandparents who believe they have failed in their task of passing on the faith. Have they been family-friendly, or overly so?

In adult relationships, as children marry and new families are formed, these can and should have the right to their own traditions. This is a possible area where there is a challenge to leave alone and not try to impose your belief system. This may come about around times such as Christmas when young families want to do it their way.

So, hurtful as this can be for their older members, with the January 2013 family theme of Faith in Families in mind we ask: what is the truly family-friendly thing to do? It would seem to me that this, like so much around family life, changes over time.

Couples expressing their love for one another are family-friendly in a non-challenging way. Nuclear or extended families and groups who from early days have shared their lives and their faith along with their prayers have established the best possible foundation for the next generation.

Forming this generation in values of commitment to one another and one’s beliefs, integrity and honesty in dealings with one another, the freedom to choose to “be” who and what they choose are foundational life skills that are essentially family-friendly, but need to be complemented with a growing relationship with God, as an individual and a member of a family community if we want to be considered a Christian Catholic family.

That must be, as I see it, what true family-friendliness is all about. At the same time while it is a positive image and, for those of us on the giving end, a worthwhile ideal, the joys and hopes, anxieties and fears of life must be faced by each one and choices must be made by each developing family.

Undoubtedly there are times when our best and only contribution to being family-friendly is not to teach, impose or indoctrinate, but to live and let live, live and love, accept the differences and the changes and bring our families in prayer to the Father, to Jesus the Son and the Holy Family all of whom have experienced those joys and hopes, anxieties and fears too.

Resources are available for developing a family’s faith life, for family catechesis and for the February theme of Faith and Love which will incorporate a marriage focus too.

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