Keep respect for elders

The Second Vatican Councils’ constitution Lumen Gentium reaffirmed the family as the little church of the home, and subsequent documents frequently refer to the domestic church, the little church, and its important role in the bigger scheme of things.

“In the month of the feast of Our Lady’s parents, our family focus is on grandparents and the elderly.” (Photo: K Connors)

Add to that the image of “the Church as Family of God” of the 1994 African Synod, and retained in the second African Synod of 2009, and one would think that a family focus should feature quite powerfully in the bigger Church.

But that isn’t universally true. Different reasons can be given, probably in different parts of the world because of different realities.

Check it out by reading through any Catholic newspaper or report about Church activities. These deal almost exclusively with what happens in the big Church: celebrations, liturgy, catechetics, workshops, sodality meetings, Aids campaigns, men’s or women’s or youth groups, and so on.

While members of families obviously do engage in all these events, the identifying factor of family seldom features. You see, the little church of the home is not just an offshoot of the big Church; it should and does have its own identity, liturgy and spirituality: a liturgy of the home, family prayer, a marital and parental spirituality or possibly a spirituality of grandparenting.

Looking therefore into the other matter of “big family, little family”, what is the relationship there? Putting aside the more abstract idea of the whole Church as one big family, consider the human family in its big extended form and its little nuclear form. Where is the emphasis or focus these days?

The African model of an extended family is still a common reality, but in a very watered down form. The elders often live in a village back home in a rural area and may be caring for grandchildren there or living alone. In urban areas accommodation makes it difficult for extended families to live together, as once was the norm, but grannies still often look after children.

The more Western model of a nuclear family is widely recognised and is, according to Statistics SA, the most common form of family in South Africa today. But nuclear families are not necessarily made up of a married couple who are father and mother to the children with whom they live, and these little families can take a variety of forms too.

Our family focus this month—chosen because of the feast of Ss Joachim and Ann, Our Lady’s parents—however is more on the elderly, the grandparents, of whom Pope Benedict XVI?wrote in Africae Munus.

“In Africa the elderly are held in particular veneration,” Pope Benedict wrote. “They are not banished from families or marginalised. They are esteemed and perfectly integrated within their families of which they are indeed the pinnacle. This should inspire Western societies to treat the elderly with greater dignity. ‘Rich in experience is the crown of the aged and their boast is the fear of the Lord’ (Sir 25:6).”

This is a nice but very idealistic picture of the present. It is greatly challenged by the younger generation who do not necessarily see things in this way, thinking they know better and wanting to do things their own rather than the traditional way.

So this is an opportunity to reflect, and hopefully express thanks for the sacrifices and care of those elderly members. Let us all be conscious that they have often done more than their bit for the good of their families, and while some enjoy having a large family around others may yearn for a well-earned rest.

Elderly abuse is a very real issue, too. They do not deserve to be exploited, abused, neglected and abandoned as, for practical reasons, families have tended to become smaller and the younger ones move away. The wisdom of the ancients should still be appreciated and they do have a role to play.

While living arrangements for families may have become smaller, their hearts are still big. One grandfather shared with me that he has 27 grandchildren and prays for each of them by name every night. I’m pretty sure that Pope Francis has the big Church and the little church, the big family and the little family in mind when he says his prayers for us all.

Reflections on the elderly and grandparents and a prayer movement of grandparents for their grandchildren can be found in the MARFAM booklet Family Moments & Faith Moments for July to September.