Does your family have balance?

It is good to talk about balance at this time of the year, and also in the light of events around us.  This month we mourned our beloved former president, Nelson Mandela. He was an icon, so we run the risk of deifying an admittedly exceptional human being. However, as a model his life challenges us to be all we can, in a balanced, lifegiving way.

The coming year, 2014, has been named the International Year of the Family. The family theme chosen for the first month of the year is “New Beginnings, for Family Balance”.

One could start by asking how balanced our families are, and that can be answered in different ways.

Two boys, two girls used to be considered a well-balanced family. But nowadays the more common composition would be one of each.

Then, is there a balance on the parenting level?  A mom and a dad would still be seen as ideal, and yet it is not the most common form of family today. Many mothers, especially, have to perform  a careful balancing act, being both mom and dad.

In a group discussion recently about the importance of supporting our youth, a participant said that in her professional view the problem is not with youth but with the parents who have so little quality time to spend with their children.

Everyone, she pointed out, is up early and off to work or school—at least those who are employed and school-going—and they come home at different times; sometimes quite late after being held up in traffic or due to work commitments.

Is that the reason why we have become used to grabbing a plate of food—possibly from the fridge via the microwave—and flopping down in front of the TV or the computer? Families that still eat together often do so with double the guests at the table as each member has their cellphone with them and needs to send or check urgent messages.

As long as we all do and tolerate this, does that mean there is balance? Is it a question of structure or of functioning?

The Marfam Thoughts for the Day reflection booklet for January to March has a “Life Pie Activity” for January to aid some reflection about balance in one’s own life.  The diagram shows a fairly well-balanced division of one’s time.

An interesting exercise could be for each member of the family to compare their own daily activities with such an example. Areas of family, other relationships, work/school, God/church, rest/sleep and health-related activities can all be given a slice of the pie.

How well-balanced would mine or yours be?  A lot depends on our particular life situation too.  It could be very different for an older person living alone, a single working mother, a young adult or a learner. Balance for the older person might include regular walks; for a busy mom it could mean taking just 15 minutes for one’s own interests; for a father to make time for the kids and a couple for one another.

If you say about yourself or another, “You’re always doing this or that”, chances are that there is some imbalance.

One of the three International Year of the Family themes is “work-family balance”, and involves time, interest and energy.

The notion of new beginnings at this time of the year invites some real introspection. Is my family as I would like it to be?  How was Christmas? Was there the sense of belonging we all hunger for? Have older parents, children and grandchildren each moved to different planets?

Talking to one another about this is important but not easy. To talk about expectations and aspirations for the year ahead, it demands balance in itself to accept one another’s different objectives, a balance between privacy and community.

I always used to say marriage is like walking a tight-rope with one’s eyes closed; a balancing act in which one cannot see clearly where one is going.

Not everything in family life can be predetermined but some preparation and coordination could be of great help for one’s family health and well-being, which are our primary responsibility.

Even God’s slice of the piece needs to be evaluated together with the Church’s. God knows it is his pie, he made it and is within the whole of it.

Our task in our families is to increase our consciousness of that, starting now at the beginning of a new year.