Why family means to belong

Wow, yippee! How pleased I am that the United Nations and I are singing from the same hymnsheet. The UN Economic and Social Council issued a report in preparation for the 20th anniversary of the UN International Year of the Family (IYF). It notes: “Over the years, the international community has recognised the importance of family-centred policies and programmes as part of an integrated rather than sectoral approach to development.

“Families at the centre. Family first. A strong family focus in all aspects of social life. “

“The international community has agreed that the family is the fundamental unit of society, entitled to protection by society and the State, and acknowledged that notwithstanding different family forms and structures, families are fundamental to social development.”

Families at the centre. Family first. A strong family focus in all aspects of social life.

The IYF should be an important milestone and celebrate a paradigm shift away from focusing in isolation on women’s or children’s issues but looking more holistically at women and children from a family perspective, something to which we all belong.

As the document suggests, it is not that we should stop considering the issues around women’s empowerment and abuse, but to do so from a different angle.

The document contains many reports from countries on their progress in developing family policy that takes families on board as partners, not just as beneficiaries. From welfare to well-being is a nice way of putting it.

The South African government’s White Paper on the Family is our local response and one that we all should be pushing to have implemented. Could it be part of the election campaign?

The upcoming Lenten booklet of the Department of Evangelisation, together with the Family Life Desk of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference is taking up the theme of belonging. “Belonging to Christ, committed to Mission” is its title.

Belonging is an aspect of life that is, by its nature, family-focused. Where do we first belong, and how painful is it when that sense of belonging is betrayed? Belonging is a human and also a spiritual need; as belonging to Christ reminds us.

Belonging can however be overdone at these various levels too and can become an unhealthy enmeshed relationship, possibly between mothers and sons, even in older age. A healthy balance is required, something that even applies to our relationship with God and the Church.

A healthy balance then in family life, between work and family, God, leisure, sleep and one’s health can be worked towards using a Life Pie Chart.

Such a chart is included as an activity for evaluating ourselves with the January family reflections in MARFAM’s Thoughts for the Day with God and Family.

Take an average 24-hour day in your particular and unique life situation and list how much of it is spent on different activities.  Is there too much or too little sleep, or private or family time?

The IYF themes will be incorporated into the different family reflections, booklets, workshops and so on over the next months. Family balance is one theme, family poverty is one too and intergenerational solidarity another.

A reader neatly simplified the latter as “3G families”. I like the sound of that and it may also be relatable to younger family members. Let’s ask ourselves how many of us are living in 3G families and how well is it working?

I hope that one of the New Year resolutions would be spending time together, talking, sharing, laughing, crying, playing and praying about our own family issues.

Our theme for the year is “Families Together, That’s Us”. As well as addressing some of the challenges facing families, as noted in the Special Synod’s questionnaire that should have been completed by now, may it also be a year to grow as individuals and grow together.

PS: February’s theme is “Love—the Basic for Care” and will focus on marriage, with World Marriage Day celebrated on February 9.  Contact me for more info on this at