Dealing with cultural differences

On one of my recent travels in South Africa I was presented with an opportunity to focus on cultural awareness and differences. These are appropriate themes for the month of September which in South Africa is Heritage Month, a time when reflection and sharing, especially in families, is important for future harmony in cohabiting in our country.

“…September which in South Africa is Heritage Month, a time when reflection and sharing, especially in families, is important for future harmony in cohabiting in our country. “

On one occasion I and a black colleague visited a church. We were hanging around in the hall waiting for someone to fetch us. At the same time a group was gathering for a small celebration. We felt irritated at being ignored and judged that the other group was being rude by not even greeting us, let alone making a gesture of inviting us to join in the celebration.

We discussed that in the car later after we were picked up. The view was: “Whites are like that. Such a thing would not happen in a black gathering.” I felt more in solidarity with the blacks then the whites.

Discussing the situation again later with some people who had been part of that group another angle was presented. It appears that some of them had felt uncomfortable and unsure what to do with us hanging around. Their leaders had not chosen to address us, so it wasn’t up to them.

That cleared it up, a bit, for me, but my colleague didn’t see it quite the same way.

There are obviously other perspectives, too. We could have gone and waited somewhere else rather than in a corner of the hall, for example, but it was cold outside.

Another situation began to bother me. Much of the time I was the only non-Zulu speaker in different groups, many of whom spoke English. There were many times, also at meals, when the conversation was almost totally in Zulu and I was left sitting “met my mond vol tande” (“with my mouth full of teeth”), as the Afrikaans saying goes. In my own cultural experience that is perceived as rude, and courtesy expects that the conversation be conducted in a commonly understood language. However, “whites must learn Zulu”, is a common attitude. Sure, but…

I recount these experiences and my feelings by way of a reflection on cultural differences.  Hospitality and courtesy are values dear to us all but expressed differently with consequences that could be hurtful because we still do not understand one another and are sometimes afraid — or too polite — to speak out.

During September the family theme is “diverse and together”. We could make a point of sharing and exploring differences within our families and the different social settings where we meet others.

In our own families we can start by considering how each of a couple comes from different backgrounds and have their own family who may differ in religious, socio-economic, language or ethnic ways. As children grow and eventually choose a life-partner along the way, many different circumstances will present themselves.

All these are wonderful and enriching opportunities for family communication. Sharing these may at times need to be fairly structured in order to address issues that arise. Family faith-sharing and family catechesis are ways to do so in a prayerful atmosphere.

For example, we can even ask ourselves whether Jesus was being racist in the way he at first dealt with the Canaanite woman who approached him to heal her daughter.

World news gives us plenty of examples of misunderstandings and more that disrupt harmonious living. The “Thoughts for the Day” in September offer some leads for growing in understanding of one another, starting from the home and reaching out beyond that to others in society.

May the richness of diversity be a power for growth and for good.