Our Mission for Families

How family-friendly are we as missionaries of the family? I have asked that question many times because it is an ongoing, let us say, developmental issue.

When we refer to “The Church” we often think of the hierarchy and clergy — those working in the Church — rather than all of us, the People of God, who are “The Church”.

So, how family-friendly are we, or to what extent are we challenging one another?

Bishops from around the world with a handful of lay-family observers will be debating the challenges facing families, “in the context of evangelisation” at the extraordinary synod on the family in the Vatican this month. Maybe in some of our minds the key lies there.

Is evangelisation not a churchy thing, so let’s leave it up to them? But it isn’t. All the recent popes have written that evangelisation is the task of everyone—and in particular of families in their own homes where we evangelise and are evangelised not primarily through our prayers but through living our spirituality of daily life, our prayerful living.

That is our mission, and in a way the mission of the whole Church, since families are the building blocks of the structure.

The October family theme deals with mission and empowerment as it invites us to reach out family to family, passing on the gift we have to share.

Let’s take a current issue (or are we oscared out or pistoriused off?). We’ve had a chance to watch the Oscar Pistorius trial on TV, to debate it in workplaces and in our families with our children and the elderly. Some of us get quite hot under the collar about whether there were flaws in the verdict of culpable homicide.

The trial has provided a wonderful opportunity too to debate the topic of justice and the merits of a justice system that might even let someone “get away with murder”, as many people argued.

Then, from a different angle, what was the family experience of this young man that led to his obsession with guns? He was challenged to overcome any obstacle: having no legs, pushed to achieve, losing his mother, having a very poor relationship with his father and no stable family home in his teenage years. Later he had to deal with being a celebrity, being put on a pedestal.

Psychological observation did not identify any particular disorder, but did he have the kind of family background that could reasonably assure a stable, mature personality able to build and sustain relationships? From what I could observe, he didn’t.

Some of the comments on radio and social networks about the case were decidedly unchristian, but also excusable.

Comments seemed to be based mostly on emotions, anger, resentment, the need to avenge Reeva Steenkamp, the woman shot dead by Pistorius.

He has done the deed, deserves punishment and should get it—but how and what? Maybe the case has also taught us that crimes are committed by flesh-and-blood human beings, people’s fathers and mothers, sons and daughters. Who would call him a criminal and who a tragic, fallen hero? Many such topics can be used fruitfully for faith-sharing.

This brings me back to building a family-friendly Church and society. Family and relationship formation are essential in addition to evangelisation in a narrower sense.

The bishops have chosen to prioritise family life from 2014-16. We need their guidance, direction and support, both financial and by way of dedicated personnel. Are we, the family people of the Church doing our bit?

The Family Desk was tasked to produce the Family Prayer Cards which have been well supported. Another task was to encourage communities to host a Family Day or event. Suggestions have been circulated that also link with the monthly themes of the desk as interesting focus themes.

Our working team believes that the Family Conference hosted by the SACBC Family Life Desk with other co-hosts in September was not been adequately supported by hierarchy, priests and lay families.

We all do and must pray earnestly for the success of the Extraordinary Synod on the Family and its important work, but that alone is not going to make us a more family-friendly Church or society. We are the ones to take it up, and the work will happen where we discuss Oscar Pistorius, or service delivery, or Nkandla, or respect for our elders, and bringing our reality to God in prayer before reaching out to other families.

That is our ongoing task, our mission.

MARFAM celebrates its 20th anniversary around now and our mission over these years has been to provide resources for and about family life to assist in this mission of all. The October to December Thoughts for the Day booklets are now available.