Committing our focus on the family

Family-friendly, family-focused and family-centred. Are they all the same thing or is it just semantics to pose that question?

The future of the Church and of the world is through the family.

After some years in family ministry working in specific programmes, my late husband Chris and I had the idea to promote a family focus in the early 1990s.

It was a happy coincidence that at a meeting of the International Catholic Engaged Encounter executive in the US in 1994, Fr Jerry Foley showed us his new book, Family-centred Church, a New Parish Model. Of course we were over the moon at having come up with a similar concept for family ministry.

This was at the start of Marfam and we used his book in developing and implementing Marfam’s vision.

1994 also happened to be the 1st International Year of the Family, and the same year the first African Synod gave the Church the image of Church as Family.

In addition we had also been exposed to the US bishops’ manual “A Family Perspective in Church and Society”. So there was definitely a move in a particular direction.

An article I wrote in those early days was called “Looking with family eyes”, and that is now also part of the “Parish Family Ministry” manual of the Southern African Catholic Bishops’ Conference (SACBC).

In my years as coordinator of the SACBC Family Life Desk I began to hone in more strongly on a family focus. Working alongside the Department of Social Development, it is gratifying and affirming that the concept has also been adopted as the national focus for South Africa in the White Paper on Families launched in October 2014, and also by the United Nations, whose theme for 2015 and beyond is “Rethinking and Strengthening Social Development in the Contemporary World”.

Why am I telling you all this stuff? Because family matters, in my book. A family focus means looking with family eyes at the world around us. Pope Francis and other Church leaders, presidents and prime ministers, financial gurus at the Davos World Economic Forum, and all men and women at all levels of the business world should ideally look with family eyes.

This is more than just being family-friendly, being nice to family people here and there and considering their needs as may be relevant to one’s position in life. It’s recognising that we are all, and live as, family people. As has been said over and over, “the future of the Church, and of the world is through the family”. Are we a family-centred Church, or should we be a Christ-centred one as some would say?

Possibly the family focus fits our way of thinking best. We can be a Christ-centred Church with a family focus. That is how I see my ongoing ministry, as I will no longer be coordinating the Family Life Desk.

Marfam’s contribution continues in little ways in “Thoughts for the Day” or in longer more in-depth articles reflecting on aspects of faith. In the upcoming Family Matters magazine a number of articles bring out my understanding of a family focus.

Cardinal Walter Kasper’s great new book Mercy gave me much food for thought on how the quality of mercy, that defines who God is, is learned and experienced in families in their many ups and downs in their daily interactions.

“Commitment” is the family theme for 2015 as part of the 2014-2016 Focus on Families. In February the theme is “Committed to Love”. Yes, romantic love, but also patient, long-suffering, enduring love.

This Lent a commitment to love can be the basis of our daily prayer and examination of conscience as individuals or as a family group. Reflect and share, “How do I rate myself on a commitment scale of loving God and neighbour?”

I’m giving it a try and will help others by publishing the thought for the day on Marfam’s website (www.marfam.org.za) and on Facebook. Other Lenten resources are also available.

Whether we look with family eyes at daily life, or dedicate ourselves to marriage preparation or parenting skills as particular aspects of family ministry, whether we put cute family stickers on the back of the car, take time out to walk with the kids and dogs on the weekend, or pray the Stations of the Cross in the family — we can and should thank God every day that we are created as relational, communal beings: as family.