Let’s talk about sexuality

Issues of sexuality have surfaced recently when in an Irish referendum the majority of the population approved same-sex unions and the US Supreme Court guaranteed same-sex marriage as a right throughout the union.

In South Africa, where same-sex marriage has been legal for nearly nine years, the agenda includes women’s issues, gender-based violence and teenage pregnancy. Sexuality and some specific issues around it, such as pastoral care for homosexuals and family planning, will also be discussed in the October Synod on the Family in Rome.

I have over the years in ministering to families and doing sexuality education written on the theme of Sexually active adults parenting sexually active children. Isn’t it true that we are all sexually active in various appropriate and inappropriate ways all the time from infancy to old age?

In the last few days, as I write, this aspect of sexuality education came up in a workshop on family ministry with priests from various dioceses, as well as at a meeting of the Family Services Forum of the Department of Social Development.

Whose task is it to provide the necessary education to our children and youth? Is it professionals, educators, social workers, nurses, priests, religious, catechists? Families, ideally both parents, should be the ones to provide specific information as appropriate in a normal, natural way in their family interactions. But it seems not to happen.

Cultural taboos, embarrassment, shyness, or maybe at times shame or guilt might hold them backto the detriment of their children’s future. It is the parental right as well as responsibility to empower young people, to support them, and to challenge them, if necessary  but ideally without taking over.

On the aspect of relationships, the SACBC family theme for the month of August is not about women only but Committed to Women and Men and Relationships.

The brief overview to the theme reads: Good relationships between male and female family members of all age’s demands commitment from all. Parents should relate to and treat boys and girls equally, as future men and women in society, so that as adults they can relate to one another as equals too. Some women continue to be oppressed and exploited. Some men are abusive but men may also be alienated from their families. Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ (Ephesians 5:21).

During August the local Church will also again embark on a Marriage Awareness campaign which not only focuses on those who are married but also on those who may be married, have been married or most likely will never marry.

Marriage (or matrimony, to use its correct term) is a sacrament of the Church and has relevance for every one of us. It is particularly important and relevant that marriage is a sexual sacrament, a relationship in which sexuality finds its most personal and meaningful expression. It is through marriage and because of marriage that sexuality finds a place in the Church.

We are all sexual beings, yes, but the way that sexuality is or should be expressed and lived out differs according to our state and vocation in life.

The SACBC’s Marriage Awareness campaign begins on August 23 and continues until October 4, a Sunday which can be celebrated as Marriage Day. The campaign is linked to the liturgical readings of the Sundays of this time, beginning with the well-known passage from Ephesians 5:21-32.

Verse 21, quoted above, as well as the rest of the Ephesians passage, provides a very good basis for discussion in families. How is the balance in your family between men and women, boys and girls?

For more on the Marriage Awareness campaign contact Fr Sakhi Mofokeng at the SACBC on 012 323 6458. For reflections and articles on the August family theme and marriage campaign also see www.marfam.org.za or contact Toni Rowland 082 552-1275 or