How Much do we Value Couples?

The theme of “Commitment to Marriage” was chosen for September but in fact the bishops’ Marriage Awareness Campaign already started on August 23 (Week 21).

Marfam had introduced this campaign in 1997 when after the 1994 African Synod weeks 21–27 of the liturgical Year B were suggested for a possible marriage focus.

There are different ways to conduct such a campaign and the bishops’ website  (www.sacbc.org.za) lists some suggestions to highlight different phases of married life.

Marfam reproduced its own resources for this time, with one of the main ones being a set of weekly reflections based on the Sunday readings, relating them to an aspect of marriage for the whole community.

Catholics often comment that Sunday homilies do not speak enough to their life situations, and Pope Francis in his exhortation “The Joy of the Gospel” challenges homilists to pull up their socks.

But family people can do much themselves to bring Scripture to life. I have found it an interesting exercise to add a family life-related reflection to the daily readings as I have done for most of this year through “Thoughts for the Day”.

General knowledge of Church teaching around marriage tends to be quite sketchy and so the “family life thoughts” for September are accompanied by a passage on Church teaching, much as I was used to in teaching catechism over the years.

Becoming family-friendly does demand a degree of knowledge, certainly some understanding and even a degree of wisdom that is best acquired from one’s living a life of faith. Catechesis, theology and even evangelisation focus mainly on the knowledge area. Spirituality is living this out in practice.

Family spirituality is living this within a family, but in addition, from an experience of family-living and relationships with one another and God.

However, what appears to be lacking in becoming a family-friendly Church is another dimension: grappling with the theology of what it means that a family is a little church on which the “big Church” is meant to be a modelled.

Archbishop Vincenzo Paglia, president of the Pontifical Council for the Family, acknowledged this. He has said: “More than a new family ministry, the entire ministry needs to be increasingly inspired in a family sense.”

We can all start right there, as married couples, those who have been married or hope to be married one day, and also those who will never marry. There is a time to focus on the problems but also a need to focus and build on the good.

Begin with this example of a reflection on the theme and readings for the current Sunday, September 6:  “Value and affirm the good” (based on Is 35:4-7a, Jas 2:1-5, Mark 7: 31-37).

Fr Peter (to choose a random name) had discussed with the parish pastoral council the possibility of having a couple talent contest, but they had decided that it might embarrass some of the shyer people.

Instead he would invite families at home, as couples and as families, to honour their married couples by affirming what they saw as particularly good in them as a couple — and, of course, for couples to share the good they see in their spouse.

Using the words, “The Lord who does all things well”, from the introduction to the Mass, they should consider in what ways they give glory to God through the particular gifts which God has given them.

Questions for Sharing and Action (for couples, individuals or groups)

• How well do I use my eyes, ears and tongue in seeing the good in my spouse, listening lovingly and affirming him or her?
• How willing am I to acknowledge my own gifts within our marriage? Share on these special qualities with each other and take some time out together to show that appreciation of each other.

For others in the community: Share on some of the good you see in the marriages of those around you. Consider ways to affirm and encourage couples in their marriage, sharing how valuable their relationship is for others.

Conclude with a moment of prayer.

Reflections for all the Sundays in different local languages and preparations for a Marriage Day on October 4 are available. Visit www.marfam.org.za/2014familyconference.