Parents: Learn from your kids

Last month I promised to explore how parents can deal with certain challenges to their authority and moral convictions. The specific areas of life I referred to are religion, technology and morality.

Children generally acquire the skill to use computers, cellphones and other technologies much more easily than their parents. This subverts the traditional authority relationship between parents and children. The problem here is that of adult pride — that a parent cannot stoop low to learn from a child. For children there is no problem at all as teenagers, adolescents and young adults are usually delighted to show their skill in technology to any adult who cares to ask for assistance.

Instead of us parents regarding our lack of skill as an embarrassment, we could put the disparity between ourselves and our children to use in two ways. First, if children could be made to understand that their parents were brought up in an environment in which these technologies either did not exist or were not accessible to most ordinary humans, then they should be able to appreciate how blessed they are to be young in this day and age and to have parents who can expose them to the wonders of technology. Second, for parents this is a blessing in that they can learn these technologies very cheaply and in the comfort of their homes by asking their children to teach them.

An important responsibility that parents have is to ensure that children do not get addicted to pornography which can be so easily accessed through the Internet and even cellphones. This leads to challenges relating to sexual morality.

There are other challenges. What do parents do if their daughter or son decides to cohabit with her or his love? Should Christian parents dictate terms to their children in matters such as these? Or should Christian parents keep quiet for fear that if they talk about the problem the children may be alienated, and even abandon the Church?

These questions are also relevant to situations where children either rebel against the Catholic Church and go to other churches, or abandon the Christian faith altogether. What is the best way to deal with the problem?

There is one thing that I believe is clear: parents have a responsibility, as Christian leaders, to give guidance to their children. Whether the issue is pornography, sexual morality, rebellion against the Catholic faith or atheism: Christian parents have a duty to be evangelists and witnesses of Christ.

But how does a parent tackle the problem? One parent might take a tough stance and say: “This is a Catholic home. You either wed in the Church and attend Mass every Sunday, or you have no right to live here or visit this home”. Another parent might tiptoe around the issues and try to get through to the young adult child without offending him or her.

It seems to me that the appropriateness of an approach depends on its effectiveness. One could try to impose the Catholic faith and one’s standards of morality on one’s children and could ostensibly be successful in so doing. But are the children concerned genuinely obeying their parents, or  doing it just to please the parents and avoid conflict?

There are four important considerations here: The first is to make it clear where one stands on any of these issues.

The second consideration is to be exemplary in one’s own conduct and practice of the faith — to walk the talk so that your life becomes in itself a mirror of what Jesus taught.

The third is to be open to discussion on theological issues and matters of worship that may drive young people away from the Catholic faith. Through such discussions the children’s minds may be opened to new truths about the Catholic faith.

The fourth consideration is to recognise that it is more important for one to have a personal relationship with Jesus than to be loyal to a church. In other words, it is better for a young adult to worship in a church that draws her closer to God than to feel obligated to be a member of a church simply for the sake of pleasing her parents.