The loneliness of priests
Some weeks back, a friend who is an official of a diocese invited me to talk to Catholic school children about the hottest topic in Kenya today: the expected trial of six high profile individuals by the International Criminal Court at The Hague, Netherlands.
Deputy Prime Minister Uhuru Kenyatta, suspended higher education minister William Ruto, suspended industry minister Henry Kosgey, civil service head and secretary to the cabinet Francis Muthaura, former police commissioner Hussein Ali, and radio journalist Joshua arap Sang’ are accused of atrocious crimes against humanity allegedly committed during the post-election violence of 2007/08.
I am not a lawyer. But I have been a school teacher and find no problem talking to kids. In addition, The Hague trials have transfixed the nation. There is a lot of information available about the process.
I took with me a former colleague. The event was to take place in the hall of a rural parish where a certain priest, whom my friend and I know very well, works. He received the three us on the eve of the function and we enjoyed the evening at a motel not far from his parish.
The next day we had talks, question-and-answer sessions and some song and dance to relieve the nerves. There was good lunch and tea. Father was present throughout and enjoyed the proceedings. He even had occasion to do a jig with the children.
At the end, the kids requested a Eucharistic celebration to close the event. He readily obliged. Thereafter we said our goodbyes to the children and their teachers.
Father invited the three of us to his house. We drank tea over a lively chat until dusk approached. We announced we were leaving. And that was when I felt it.
It struck me that we would leave Father behind in his house. He would be quite lonely, I thought. Of course, he shared the parish house with a senior priest and he could use his free time as he wished, but still I could not help thinking that he was lonely.
We proceeded to my friend’s house and stayed with his family and other friends. The house was full. From time to time I imagined Father at the parish house. I felt sad for him.
There is something I have never asked him: how does he manage the loneliness which certainly accompanies him in his calling? Doesn’t it depress him, especially after close relatives or friends visiting him leave?
When I lived alone, I would have a lot of difficulty adjusting back to my normal life after friends or relatives who came to visit left. The house would feel too empty.
I know that it takes many years of training and formation before one is ordained a priest and that thereafter he may have access to on-going formation and the support of Church officials and the community.
But I still think living practically alone at Father’s house affects the quality of a priest’s personal life. I guess there is a real human desire to love and be loved by others in a deep and personal way.
I doubt a priest can reasonably expect that to come from the community of believers in his parish. In my experience, many Christians treat a priest as a spiritual specialist; with the same deferential detachment they would treat their doctor or teacher.
I once worked at a Church-run institution and Catholics who came there would be horrified on hearing workers call out the priest-in-charge by his pet name. We were expected to treat him affectionately but formally.
That priest, a missionary, lived in a community house with his confreres. But he would often stay up late in his office until the early hours of morning. He was always working. I thought he was lonely.
From what I have seen, a priest really doesn’t become a part of the community he works with, however hard he tries. Also, the fact that he is moved to a different place or parish by his superiors after short stints doesn’t help matters.
I know the Catholic priesthood has a long and complex history. I know, too, that certain aspects of the vocation are still debated.
But I am sure that the deep human need to love and be loved in a personal way is something many priests struggle with daily.
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