How self-centred we are

In last month’s column I asserted that unless the hearts and minds of people in positions of influence are changed for the better, powerful people are bound to continue sliding back into the evils of greed, corruption and oppression.

To appreciate this argument, one should have an understanding of the fact that we all suffer from the malaise of the false self. Let me step back and talk about what psychologists have discovered about the basic human needs.

Using the revelations of modern psychology, Fr Thomas Keating, a Benedictine monk, has identified three human needs that develop in childhood and remain lodged in our unconscious. These are survival and security; esteem and affection; and power and control. I prefer to characterise them as follows:

-           Self-preservation and security (including self-protection, instant gratification etc)

-          Self-worship (seeking approval, affirmation and affection)

-          Power and control.

The first instinct of any human being is self-preservation. A baby wants to feel secure in the hands of the mother. When we sense danger, we want to run away to protect ourselves.  When we are hungry, we preserve our life by looking for something to eat. Self-preservation is therefore the most basic of all human needs.

When we are secure we go for the next need: We want to be affirmed; we look for approval and want everybody to notice us.

The next level of needs goes beyond ourselves—we want to see ourselves relating to others in a manner that gives us power and control over others.

It can be argued that self preservation is absolutely essential, and that there is nothing inherently wrong in seeking affirmation and in having some power and control over others. However, these needs can become so important in the mind of the individual that they become idols or objects of worship.

Worse still, the desire for self-preservation and for affirmation and power can be so exaggerated that not only does the individual cease to care for others, but they can become so obsessed with these needs that they begin to view themselves as something other than what they really are.

 

I  have been told of a woman who became so obsessed with her status as a wealthy person that she told her husband they should not continue worshipping in a certain church because the church was not worthy of their status.

Or, take a politician who is so used to the trappings of political power that he cannot see himself leading a life without two servants, a driver and a security guard. Such people are suffering from the false self-system: the illusion of self that we carry in our minds in our everyday consciousness.

The problem with the false self is that it not only leads to false ideas about oneself; it makes us think more of ourselves and less of others. We want to preserve ourselves at the expense of others.

Thus, someone who has committed a crime and knows that someone else is aware of that crime may go to the extent of eliminating the other person in order to protect himself or herself. A man may enjoy raping a woman and then proceed to kill the woman after satisfying himself. A politically ambitious person may stop at nothing to achieve his or her political ambitions, and may eliminate political opponents in order to achieve the desired political goal.

These examples show how self-centred we human beings are. The philosophy of “me, myself and I” really applies to how we relate to others. We come first, and everybody else second.

This predisposition of human beings is dramatised in the biblical story of Cain who killed his brother Abel, and told God that he was not his brother’s keeper.

While we know that a human being is a social being, our values are dominated by a focus on the self, and not by consideration of others. If society is to change for the better, we need to strive for a situation where there is a critical mass of people who are prepared to put the needs of others before their own.

Before we consider what needs to be done, we need to have a deeper understanding of human needs.