A new world, somewhere

The words of an old song by The Seekers have been buzzing around in my head while reflecting on my recent travels and the family theme for July on the elderly and their families: “There’s a new world somewhere they call the promised land. And I’ll be there someday if you will hold my hand.”

A grandmother with her grandchildren. This month’s family focus is on grandparents. (Photo: kakisky/morguefile)

The journey was to Benin, in West Africa, where I spent just over a week participating in a meeting around the October Synod of Bishops on the Family.

There will be no immediate outcomes from the synod for us to wait for, and as it is clear that most Catholics are not well informed about the Church’s teaching on marriage and family life, we should continue to study this.

The biggest lack perhaps is in a deeper understanding of family spirituality which is relevant for everyone. Yes, we know from the questionnaires that were completed early in the year that the synod will be focusing strongly on more doctrinal aspects and mainly on marriage.

Marriage does form the ideal foundation of a family, but as a widow, a mother (and  as a widow of course a single mother), a mother-in-law and also a grandmother, I know that God is present and speaks to me in each of those realities.

The spirituality of family life is beautifully described by one lay theologian as first of all a “nesting” rather than a “going out” spirituality.

Building a nest is for the early years. Lining, reinforcing and beautifying the nest is the work of many years before there comes the empty nest.

Living in a retirement village now makes me very conscious that a nest may be empty of children but for some it still contains a couple. If both are fit and contented in their old age, visited and cared for by their children and grandchildren—who I know are one of the main topics of conversation among the residents—they are fortunate. We also have couples where one is ailing and the other spends their energy caring for the other.

There are many who are mostly alone, by choice or not. Some have no children but some do and also have grandchildren. There are remarrieds or cohabiters who may have two or more sets of grandchildren.

In some communities extended families are the norm and grandparents are the patriarch and matriarch. In still other settings — poorer communities or rural villages — many grandparents, usually a granny, are the main source of family support, and their pensions may be the main family income for the old person plus a grown up child or two and a house full of grandchildren whose parents have died or have moved away.

This month the family focus is on grandparents in honour of the grandparents of Jesus, Joachim and Ann, whose feast we celebrate on July 26.

It is a time for families to pay tribute to the love and care grandparents give and to go out of our way to remember them and thank them.  It may be time for forgiveness and healing from both sides.

It is also time, as parish communities, to pay tribute and to take note of their particular needs. Is there neglect, exploitation or even abuse wherever the elderly are living?

It is time for grandparents too to look back and take stock of their own lives, seek healing of memories, make peace and possibly make the greatest contribution they can make: become part of a Movement of Prayer of Grandparents for Grandchildren.

This can be as simple as naming and praying for each child or meeting as a group to share and give support. MARFAM has more information on this.

The Church too should take note that a family focus applies across the whole community, especially in the light of the model for Africa of the Church as Family of God.  That was the view I expressed at the meeting in Benin.

It is from the port at Cotonou that thousands of slaves were shipped to the Americas, a very different New World for them.  Today, the African exodus to the West is not based on external force.

We all constantly seek that new and better world somewhere.

Marriage matters, but in addition, especially if there is no intimate partner to hold my hand, family matters in very many different ways.