Release from Pornography’s Grip

Real Men Say No – (Graphic: The Southern Cross)

For too long it has been the secret, dark, unmentionable self-destructive habit of thousands, if not millions!

As a counsellor of ten years, I become more and more despairing at the increasing number of men who find themselves chained to this destructive evil. At the start of their habit, it promised them moments of gratification and satisfaction but soon they have to admit that they require external help to release themselves from this vice.

Of course, there are the many who feel that they dont have a problem with it at all and feel they have it under control.

In this time when Rome is focusing on the family, marriage and divorce, we must look at these kinds of issues that very often are the roots of the destruction of relationships and families.

A wifes response on discovering a husbands viewing of pornography is similar to that seen with marital infidelity, which I could reason pornography, in fact, is. It is a traumatic discovery in the truest sense of the word  the wife undergoes terrible trauma. These women often begin to doubt themselves, caught in the immense insecurity of feeling the need to compete with their husbands secret world of fantasy.

Women in this situation are, not surprisingly, angry, lonely, exhausted, and despairing.

The Churchs message of purity is not a condemnation but a calling to authentic human love. It is an invitation for men to master their impulses and allow Christ to transform the way they view women. When this happens, they become who they are sons of God and earthly icons of the Heavenly Father.

At the risk of making this sound like a man-bashing article, the scourge of pornography has found its way into the lives of not only men and boys but girls and women too. Our entire culture is getting our girls porn-ready; it hypersexualises them at a young age.

In my experience, I have seen children as young as eight, many teen boys desperately seeking help, teen girls admitting that they have a problem resisting the lure of cyber-porn, and, of course, parents devastated after finding evidence of their childrens internet surfing habits.

We dont have many recovery programmes in South Africa and, sadly, many secular sex-therapists actually condone pornography when marital problems are experienced.

More than ever, we as Church have to fight this evil.

Perhaps we all have to learn how to love one another. In his Theology of the Body, Saint Pope John Paul II has much to say about utilitarianism and when young people understand what it means to use as opposed to love in the way God calls us to love, young people start to get it!

I have referred many people struggling with pornography obsession/addiction to Theo Krieck of House of Blessing in Krugersdorp who offers sexual addiction workshops to both the addict and his/her family. Contact him at

Some other good sites are : www.curethecraving.com; www.covenanteyes.com

If youd like to know more about Theology of the Body, e-mail

Marie-Anne teBrake, Johannesburg