Out of Bethlehem: The Holy Family Within Every Family

Part 1 of a 12-part series of articles on family relations by Imelda Diouf & Katarzyna Lewucha

Festivities and holidays, the end of one year and the start of another, often present the full gamut of emotions: from joy to sadness, hope and despair, contentment and frustration. All this is borne out of the time available to spend with family.

Whether out of duty, societal norms or the genuine need to catch up, we rush towards each other and gather to eat, pray and share. All part of belonging to a family. A Holy Family gathered once upon a time.

Sometimes, we exclude or feel excluded and “because there was no place for them in the inn” (Luke 2:7), we become distant from human relations and prefer our pets, non-intrusive bird calls and time alone. The modern-day stable might very well be a place of loneliness devoid of family and friends. Unlike the Holy Family who felt hope and a sense of occasion among the lowliest of creatures, we feel “out of Bethlehem”.

The exciting family time can so easily turn into the dreaded family time. Disagreements and harmful words can badly impact family interactions and disconnect relationships. Unspoken, unrevealed or unsolved issues might stop us from entering into spaces of family members.

Increasingly, one hears the comment; “I’m not going home, it’s too expensive!” or “The family is putting pressure on me… to marry, have a baby, bring gifts, buy a car, stop drinking, lose weight, build a home, find a better job, study again, take advice, give advice, visit again, think again – there is just too much pressure!”

Sometimes the family places us “out of Bethlehem”. And then we search for a person, a group that will welcome us with what we have, with all that we want to say, and what we want to do. Who will accept a poor soul, unwell in mind and body, not perfect, failed exams, no job, no prospect of a career, no spouse?

Yet, family also provides a space to explore the rights and opportunities that kindred relationships can bring. There is no other group that requires no decision-making to enter or be a participant. The very nature of family means that one is a participant. No amount of distancing, eye-rolling, huffing and puffing, running away, protection orders, separations, divorces and court orders can remove the status of family.

“I’m never talking to you again,” merely transitions into we might not communicate directly, but I will continue to talk with you through internal dialogues. Perhaps I will talk to you because I continue to talk to those that are communicating with you.

Family is like the wedding dress that once fitted a youthful body and joyful occasion. Years later though it might no longer fit the body, but it cannot be disposed of because of its historical status. Family is like the grandfather clock that no longer keeps time and where the wind-up key is lost, yet it will be passed from generation to generation because it is a memory. Family is like a faded album of sepia photos filled with sometimes smiling, sometimes serious-faced forebears who have long passed and yet find life again in our collective facebooking, whatsapping and instagramming.

We have belonged and will belong. There is a “Holy Family” in every family because humans will always want what is better for the next generation – and while we might not plan to secure a better future, there is always hope and belief that life will be better.

Family creates a space and place into Bethlehem, where hope and a sense of occasion will always prevail.

Imelda Diouf is a South African teacher and Katarzyna Lewucha is a Polish social worker. This is the first in a twelve-part series in which they will unpack the theme of family relations, using multicultural and multidisciplinary perspectives.