When did Mary and Joseph Get Married?

Question: Your Saint of the Month article on St Joseph (March 2023) states: “Joseph and Mary are not yet married when they go to Bethlehem where she gives birth.” This cannot be right! Matthew 1:24 says: “When Joseph woke up he did what the angel of the Lord commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.” He obeyed and married her. Immediately, as commanded. Therefore they were married before going to Bethlehem. Mary was betrothed to Joseph. She would not go to Elizabeth unmarried and pregnant (not yet visible) and return to Nazareth three months later, visibly pregnant, and a disgrace. Please give me your opinion.

Answer: The quote in the Saint of the Month article draws from Luke 2:4-5, which reads: “So Joseph set out from the town of Nazareth in Galilee for Judaea, to David’s town called Bethlehem, since he was of David’s House and line, in order to be registered together with Mary, his betrothed, who was with child” (our emphasis).

It would have been better to omit that sentence in the article, since it does indeed require further clarification.

The term used in the original Greek texts of Luke and Matthew which is often translated as “betrothed” or “espoused” can be interpreted variously, but usually refers to a state before full marriage as we know it — and different translation can create different conclusions.

In Jewish culture and law, there were two stages of marriage ceremonies: betrothal and, usually after a year, the full marriage which would then see the couple enter conjugal life. The Wedding Feast at Cana (John 2:1-11) is an example of the second ceremony.

Being betrothed or espoused was not yet a full marriage, but also more than an engagement. It indicated a binding contract, with the man having made a payment to the woman’s family. The couple is considered man and wife, but they are still only espoused. The marriage would be recognised as such only upon consummation.

Luke 2:4-5 is usually interpreted to indicate a state of betrothal, and that is consistent with the state in which Matthew 1:24 locates the nuptial relationship of Mary and Joseph.

Matthew 1:23-25, however, would suggest that the pair was already married when they made their way to Bethlehem, but whether that was still by way of betrothal or already full marriage, including (implied) consummation, is not really clear.

The idea that Joseph and Mary would have to consummate their marriage creates a problem for us Catholics, who believe in Mary’s perpetual virginity. How do we get around that?

If Luke was right, and the couple is still only betrothed, perhaps the idea of “consummation” was implied when Mary gave birth to Jesus in Bethlehem, and when the Holy Family returned to Nazareth from their exile in Egypt. Or if Matthew is right, Mary’s pregnancy after returning from her visit to Elizabeth implied consummation, and recognition of full marriage. Either way, neither Gospel mentions a wedding ceremony.

The Gospels have a way of leaving us with many open questions on the details. Ultimately, what is important is how the story of Jesus ends!

Asked and answered in the July 2023 issue of The Southern Cross magazine