Lessons from a crooked staff

Recently I joined a group of widowed people on a retreat outing, off into the countryside. After the initial input we were invited to go off alone and reflect. No talking now, mind you! we were admonished.

So I went walking. The first thing I always do is to find myself a stick, not to beat off attackers, but as a staff to support and guide me lest I fall. The best one I could find was a rather miserable crooked one, so I reflected on that image and on Psalm 23, the version I like which reads: You are there with your crook and your staff, with these you give me comfort. The words became your crooked staff, which, I acknowledged, still gives comfort in its own crooked way.

On I walked, alone along the hillside, until, as it was time to go back, I came across another of the group, an old lady, not too steady on her pins, wandering along the fairly rugged path. Miming or silent mouthing of words didn’t work too well and we guiltily broke the silence.

Which way is down? Take my stick, you need it more than I do. We soon realised the path we were on was a dead end, so had to turn back.

Having lent her my staff and judging she was okay, I walked on ahead. A bad mistake! The stick didn’t help her on a rather slippery slope and her frail, little old body came tumbling down, cutting her face and hand. Others rushed to the rescue and her cuts were treated and bandaged and the Holy Spirit retreat continued. But for me the spirit was somewhat dampened. I might pray for wisdom and the other gifts, but the fruits of the gifts, fruits of patience and kindness, a willingness to walk slowly with the very young and the old is for me still far from ripe.

Is there a lesson to be learned? It isn’t good enough to lend out your crooked walking stick, even if it may be the best you have. It does take some extra sacrifice, but when someone is old and frail they need more; they need your company and protection. Forgive me, Paddy, I hope you have recovered well!

During this month of July the family life theme for reflection and for action is the extended family.

On July 26 we celebrate the feast of Ss Joachim and Anne, the grandparents of Jesus.

The role of grandparents varies vastly in our families. In some cases they are breadwinners or their pension is the main source of family income. In some cases the elderly are a burden, they might be neglected, even abused.

Siblings, aunts, uncles and cousins, all these extended family members are family, but where does one draw the line on the degree of involvement.

That varies from culture to culture and also from family to family. In our Catholic Christian culture what must be safeguarded in a particular way is the marriage bond of those within the extended family. That can be quite a complex issue especially in certain cultures. Maybe there first of all we need to be willing to find a good strong walking stick and lend it freely but more so too, to provide the company and protection.