Are we listening to what we sing?

Pope John Paul II is credited with the important saying: “Families become what you are, the little church of the home.”

In my mind that includes building a home, reinforcing, maintaining, beautifying it, and especially making those within the home feel that they belong—otherwise it is a house rather than a home.

The late pope also noted the tasks of a family, and the first is to build its own intimate community, which is not necessarily just churchy, but also human and personal.

In the last few weeks, possibly also because of Vocations Sunday, in various places I was faced with some hymns that gave me a really negative reaction. They are nice hymns and we sing them with gay abandon. “Follow me, follow me, leave your home and family, leave your fishing boats and nets along the shore…” is one in particular.

That is all very well for those who are called to serve God in a more direct way in the religious life, but I think they give the wrong message to the bulk of the Catholic population who should be serving God in their little church of the home by spending the necessary amount of time at home, not leaving home for other causes (good as they may be) as members of a sodality, parish pastoral council or another service organisation.

My granddaughter recently introduced me to Facebook, and I thought it was very cool to be part of the world of social networking, and keeping up with friends and family too.

I was horrified one day when she posted a most objectionable piece of writing, about being hot and switched on, blah, blah. I thought she had lost her head, which worried me sick. I also didn’t want such stuff on my page, so wrote and told her to remove this rubbish.

“Don’t worry, granny,” she replied, “that is just a song. We sing it all the time.” So I am a fossil, who doesn’t understand that what is on her page and comes to me doesn’t get seen by all my Facebook friends. But I am also a concerned grandparent who worries about the influence of songs on young people—or do they really not take in what they are singing, just like we do not take in what we are singing in church so much of the time?

Paying attention and listening are big issues in family life. I know that women, mothers especially, are very good at multitasking and young people are apparently capable of watching TV, listening to the radio, studying, and SMSing their friends all at the same time as they are supposedly listening to you. But giving one’s full attention to important things and people is something that should not be lost. It should be actively promoted, for the sake of the intimacy called for in the little church of the home, but also as a social skill for their future.

Do we stop and think before we SMS or tweet our gut reactions? Young people are technologically living in a different world, but they do have lots of problems with their relationships, with parents and very much with friends and other learners.

Bullying, in more or less subtle ways, nastiness among girls, exploitation by both boys and girls, and dealing with the sexually charged environment that surrounds them are part of their world.

June’s family theme is “Youth, a time for peace-building”, and that can be a very big challenge. Youth month often focuses on youth in isolation.

They are constantly fighting and peace-building in their own world, but expecting them to be peace-builders in their relationships with parents and siblings is quite a tall order. It might mean just saying sorry, for being late or not doing what was expected at home or abusing parents’ trust. It needs some reflection on what is going on, why and how it is affecting others.

Those around them too need to be open to the youth, willing to listen, accept apologies and share their own concerns too. Open communication must be the key.

But are our youth leaders good role models? Is continuing to sing songs promoting violence and having to take matters to court for resolution a positive example of peace-building?

There are almost no hymns that have anything at all meaningful to say about family life. But then one could ask: Does anyone really listen to what we’re singing? Who has the answers?