Vocations, abuse, and the family

Traditionally this 4th Sunday of Easter, also known as Good Shepherd Sunday, has been regarded as Vocations Sunday. Again traditionally, it had to do mainly with vocations to the priesthood and religious life.
As vocations to the religious life have declined so drastically, the focus has changed to thinking of vocations more broadly, and so we speak of the vocation of marriage and even sometimes parenting as a vocation. So what does Vocations Sunday call us to do during this year, 2010, with all the hoo-ha and shenanigans going on around us?

In the April Marfam Family Matters e-newsletter (www.marfam.org.za) I made reference to the abuse by priests (admittedly a small minority), but the more relevant aspect of the message was the role of families in this situation. Abusers come from families. They may well have been abused in their families, or possibly by a previous generation of priests, but the knowledge and experience was kept quiet, suppressed. So abusers cause serious hurt within families, by the act and also through denial or rejection and break-down of trust.

However, by far the greatest problem with child molestation and abuse is in families themselves, with parents, step-parents, siblings or members of extended families abusing the children of the family, extended family or close connections.

Already in 2002, issue #3, Marriage and Family Living carried an article headlined “Is there a paedophile in your home?”. It explored this issue in some depth and many other Marfam publications continually deal with relevant issues for families from a pastoral angle. At this time we should ask: “Are we making enough noise about the broader family aspect of the problem of abuse?”

My reflection on the current situation led me to go beyond just making a noise, and also look into the need for reconciliation, at many levels. South Africa’s Truth & Reconciliation Commission gave us a taste and example of reconciliation through acknowledgement of guilt and of pain, and in fact the guilty too often experience pain. Sincerity and sensitivity is required together with effective mediation so that the process of true reconciliation can begin.

As families we do need to face the realities of our lives. At one level we need to reflect on the experiences of the past. At another level we need to inform our children of what is happening and encourage them to trust us enough to speak out. We do need to deal with cases of molestation, and incest too, in the correct manner.

The Church has put strict protocols in place to deal with cases from their side. In theory,  society has structures too, but it can be a complicated matter because of the implications for the particular family. For example, a mother could become destitute if she reported a case and had the abuser, most likely the breadwinner, arrested and jailed.

The April family theme is “God’s Game Plan”, and surely God’s plan includes responding as the Church at large to our first vocation, our baptismal calling to follow Jesus, as priest, prophet, king. This would include firstly prayer and offering sacrifice to God in all sincerity, secondly reading the signs of the times and responding to them, and thirdly protecting the innocent and vulnerable especially our children and youth.

As lay family people, our first calling is to live lives of integrity in our different contexts such as home, work and school. Then as we all get our houses in order hopefully vocations to the religious life will take on a new meaning.

And, while we’re about it, isn’t that what Freedom Day on April 27 is also all about?