Living the Leviticus way

My father was a wise man, as legions of matric pupils at Pretoria Boys’ High School will attest. I remember with gratitude two specific pearls of wisdom he imparted.

The first was to approach everything in life with moderation—particularly moderation. And the second was not to take things literally but to rather look for the meaning of the message than take at face value of the message itself.

Perhaps that would have been sage advice for US talk-show host, Dr Laura Schlessinger who made the comment that as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality was an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22 and could not be condoned under any circumstance.

This evoked a delightful, tongue-in-cheek response which has been attributed to a number of people.

My father would have loved this open letter, which was posted on the internet. The point of using it for this column is not to challenge the Church’s teachings on homosexual acts or to mock the Old Testament, but to make us think about how easy it is to take things out of context.

“Dear Dr Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your show and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can.

When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this? Are there “degrees” of abomination?

7. Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them (Lev 24:10-16)? Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws (Lev 20:14)?

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I’m confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.”

The point here obviously is that we cannot pick some scriptural injunctions and ignore others if we want to present a consistent argument, and that our understanding of the lessons in the Bible can and does change over time.

My father also had the gift of written communication—and brevity. When anxious parents used to write to him to complain that their sons were not selected for the first rugby team or had not got a part in the school play or had not been given the marks they deserved in an examination, my father used to simply mark their letters out of ten and comment: “Coming along nicely, but your punctuation needs work.”

He and whoever wrote that letter to Dr Laura would have been great friends.