Let the families pray

Many people are no doubt familiar with the old slogan, “The family that prays together stays together.”  It was the motto for the Family Rosary Crusade of Fr Patrick Peyton in the US in the 1950s. It has stuck, even if the rosary is not as commonly prayed in families today.

Radio Veritas gives listeners a number of daily opportunities to do so, but times have changed and whether it is prayed in families as families is another matter.

On the cover of MARFAM’s compact Family Prayer Book is the line: “Don’t just say your prayers, pray your prayers”. Catholics tend to be more used to saying prayers that they either read off or have learned off by heart than being actively involved in praying those prayers.

Over the centuries many really beautiful and meaningful prayers have been written, but sometimes the words or the images are not relatable to modern-day Catholic families. That is sad, but what has actually taken their place?

Priests and catechists constantly complain that children don’t know how to make the Sign of the Cross or say the basic prayers. That is sad, too. Do they pray at all? Do they pray in their own language and their own way? We do hear stories of people who have been away from the Church for years but continue to say some prayer that is special to them, even daily.

One of the campaigns for the International Year of the Family, also supported by the bishops, is the promotion of family prayer.

What form does it take? Grace at mealtimes, morning or night prayer? Will there be in church a general prayer, a community prayer, or prayers for particular aspects of family life? Will there be an encouragement to families towards faith-sharing with a family focus, ending with shared prayer around the issues that have been brought out?

Learning the latter technique needs skills and takes some effort, but those involved in Small Christian Communities or any kind of prayer or faith-renewal groups already know the faith-sharing technique.

Simple guidelines for a family prayer time can be found in MARFAM’s little prayer book.  A helpful formula is built on the four elements of prayer:  praise, thanksgiving, forgiveness, petition.

Talking with God needs to be appropriate for the family and the context, but restricting family prayer to a cute little children’s grace by the youngest member of the family is not enough. Family faith-sharing includes listening to one another and to God through his Word or Church teaching, and may demand some action to be taken.

We hear that Pope Francis likes praying with the psalms and they do give plenty of scope for all kinds of situations, even if sometimes they are a little too blood-thirsty. Any Catholic or religious bookshop will have shelves of books on prayer, addressed to adults, but also for teenagers, children and for all kinds of occasions.  The Internet also has plenty of resources.

However, it seems to me that the answer is to show the way, encourage and support families’ efforts, and to remember that if prayer doesn’t come from the heart, it is often empty and can even be an insult to God.

Ask yourself how you would feel if someone came to visit and read you a passage out of a book instead of having a nice conversation, and then asks you for things. Our prayer should be more than just asking for things, as if God was some kind of ATM.

In my catechism days we learned about meditation and contemplation, then there was centering prayer, Taizé and other forms. These are excellent mainly for individual and personal prayer, which are also very necessary.

Ideally family prayer should be a raising up of the minds and hearts to God, together, with joy. I like to say: “The family that prays and plays together stays together. The family that walks and talks, eats and meets, dances and sings together can grow closer to one another and to God.”

This could be a chosen Lenten activity, starting as a sacrifice and over time even become a joy and experience of unity.

A Family Prayer and other booklets for family faith sharing and prayer leaflets can be ordered from MARFAM at or 082 552 1275. Some can be downloaded from www.marfam.org.za