We’ll Rise Up Too

Imelda Diouf is a South African educator and Katarzyna Lewucha is a Polish social worker. This is the fourth in a twelve-part series in which they will unpack the theme of family relations, using multicultural and multidisciplinary perspectives.

The Easter weekend is an intense and confusing time. Within four days there are extremes of emotions.

Starting with the washing of feet on Holy Thursday, proud and humble. By washing the feet of the disciples, Jesus taught us the meaning of being a humble servant; of service, love and care to the community.

Good Friday, a time of the agonising journey to Golgotha where Christ is brutally murdered. Bearing the cross did not come with happiness but endurance, dignity and strength in faith, as well as avoidance of self-pity and bitterness.

Holy Saturday is a time of mourning, sadness and reflection. The death of loved ones is part of our life journey. Death often leaves family members with unspeakable pain and confusion; happy memories, but also regrets as the circle of life concludes.

Then Sunday brings joy at the risen Jesus, triumph over pain and death. A new start, new life. Easter Sunday is a sign that the darkness of the tomb will end. Pain, hardship and sacrifice will end. The resurrection brings a promise of a new life.

The events that cause these extreme emotions are what all families experience. Events full of different emotions, including emptiness, are part of the family life cycle.

Life and death — at first glance the Family Life Cycle looks quite simple. A cycle of the stages that a family will experience, that unfolds over a lifetime,and are likely to include birth, childhood, teen years, marriage, parenting, young adults into society, middle years, old age, and death. It consists of individual records of each family member, from the cradle to the grave. From the womb to the tomb.

The Family Life Cycle is not linear. It is a complex set of stages and relationships. At any given stage, individuals within a family group might be at different stages. Simultaneously the family group could experience birth and teenagers, marriage and old age, also young adults and death.

Depending on the source of information, there could be 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and even 9 stages respectively.

Alongside the stages, there are also life experiences that impact significantly on the well-being of the family group. Baptisms, graduations, weddings and new jobs become happy shared occasions, contrasted with painful gatherings brought on by ill health, unemployment, divorce, and the loss of a child. Joy can so quickly turn, as with Christ’s triumphal entry into Jerusalem, quickly turning into the Way of the Cross, falling three times on that defining journey to the crucifixion.

The family cycle is not a closed loop; rather it is a coiled spring. A series of loops where the end of one loop is the start of the next, generation to generation. Sometimes the coiled spring is tight and stable. As is a family where generations are linked, connected, and strong. Sometimes the coiled spring is slack and unsteady. As is a family where generations are detached, unconnected, and weak.

Because the family is the basic unit of society, weak families lead to weak communities and weak societies. And, as families become weaker, the nations will become weaker too, and then “the whole world in which we live”, according to Pope John Paul II.

Families connect and disconnect depending on the circumstances. There are cycles of joy and cycles of pain which Psalm 139:2 describes so well: “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thoughts from afar.”

Families do not have to be in the presence of each other to know and experience the joy and pain of the other members. The knowledge of the other arises from bonds that are entrenched through years of being in the “we-relationship”.

Of course, having knowledge is only one part of the relationship, the more difficult part is actioning knowledge. This is often the complexity of familial relationships; good deeds and good works are often easier outside of the family dynamic where gratitude and praise are the most likely outcomes. Not so with family!

John Paul II warned: “The greater danger for a family life in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort, and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish” to family dysfunction and even destruction. Maintaining family life needs we-love, we-care and we-hope.

The Easter weekend is an opportune time to reflect on the pain of tough life journeys and the we-part of rising. The Easter sequence liturgy, prayers, symbols, and rituals, also phrases like “tree of life” and “behold the wood of the cross”, is a time to reflect on the family journey. The presence of kin, physical and digital togetherness, sharing of lived experience, acts of kindness and faith builds the “we”. The journey of Christ is not a journey to be understood from afar, we all know and understand the pain and joy of life. Christ’s journey is our family journey.

Andra Day courted a huge following with her song “Rise Up”, made popular again and again by many artists, including Adele. The lyrics and sentiments capture the experience from Holy Thursday to Easter Sunday: “And we’ll rise up, in spite of the ache, I will rise a thousand times again and we’ll rise up…”

And that is the foundation of rising, focus on our relationships. Not rising alone is part of the we-relationship. We’ll rise up a thousand times and again.